Dr. Baxter takes a step forward and ushers me towards the main building. “There are some people here who would very much like to speak with you,” he says, “If you would just step this way.”
“Wait.” It’s Astor’s voice.
I’ve kept my face forward, refusing to look at them so far. I can’t bear to see the hurt and betrayal on their faces so close, but I have to. I can’t keep myself from looking. They are the medusa, and I’m already turned to stone.
There’s no love left in Astor’s eyes.
“You played us for fools. I won’t forgive you for that.”
My gaze flickers to Blair, and then to Wills. Their faces are hard, matching Astor. Neither of them speaks, but neither of them looks away, either.
“You showed us exactly who you are,” Astor continues. “I’ve seen your type before; a liar, a manipulator, a con. You truly are the lowest of the low.”
The pure hatred in his voice is enough to make even Dr. Baxter have to clear his throat.
“Come now,” he says, stepping forward and putting his hand on my upper arm to drag me back inside. “We mustn’t keep them waiting.”
I’ve imagined this moment happening so many times, seen it in my nightmares, run it over in my head—but never once did it make me feel like this. All the other times where I thought I was sure to be found out, it made me panic. I was afraid, angry, and disappointed.
Instead, now that it’s really happened, I’m just numb.
I keep my eyes trained on the ground and follow Dr. Baxter inside. I am hollow, empty inside. The principal doesn’t have to tell me who it is I’m meeting.
I already know.
The moment I have feared the most has come upon me, and I don’t have any fucks left to give.
I already lost what matters to me the most.
Let them throw me in juvie. Let them tarnish my name. I came here to go to this school; to start a new life … but what I ended up finding was so much more than that. I found acceptance. I found a family.
I fought for that. I nearly died for that, twice. I was humiliated, shamed, tortured; all for nothing. All for naught.
I can hear Sadie’s father before I see him. If the whole school didn’t already know what happened, they will soon.
“I don’t give a damn who she is or why she’s doing it, she’s a criminal and we’re going to prosecute her to the fullest extent of the law!”
There’s a murmur of another voice in the room there with him. I think it’s Ms. Mason, the school secretary. I can’t make out what she says, but from the tone it’s pretty clear that she’s trying to calm him down.
It only makes him even more furious. He starts shouting something more, but then we open the door and I step inside. His outrage ends in a strangled half syllable as soon as he lays eyes on me.
Mr. and Mrs. White both freeze in place and stare at me in total disbelief.
I know the traumatic effect that the sight of me must be for them. I really do look a lot like Sadie. I wouldn’t have come this far if I didn’t.
Just one more set of people to hurt and disappoint.
They don’t move. I don’t move. I don’t know what to say or do, because nothing can make this right. Not now. Dr. Baxter walks around to his desk and sits behind it.
I’ve never felt so bad in all my life as I do at this moment, standing here before these two people impersonating their dead daughter. I’m the worst person on the planet. The guilt overtakes me and I start to cry, and that only makes me feel worse because I’m not thinking of what I did to them anymore. I’m thinking of what I did to the others. To Astor. To Blair. To Wills.
I made them trust me, and I betrayed them.
My voice comes out in a jumbled, bleary mess of snot and tears.
“I’m so sorry. I really am. I never meant to—I never meant to hurt anyone.” I take a deep, shuddering breath. “I just—"
Mr. White cuts me off. His face, already red from shouting, turns a deep shade of scarlet. He gets to his feet, shaking not from tears like I am, but from rage.