I shut the door carefully behind me, but I don’t go to sit with her on the bed. I just stand by the door, awkwardly ringing my hands.
“What is it?” she asks, one hand nudging her phone conspicuously back under her pillow where she’s hidden it.
“It’s about Victoria,” I say carefully. “I wondered … has she been talking to you lately?”
“What if she is?” Her sharp tone is unlike her.
“I kind of convenient, don’t you think?” I can’t just keep standing awkwardly by the door, so I move over to sit on the end of her bed. The swath of blankets seems like a growing ocean between us. “I mean, she hasn’t talked to you in years and then suddenly you’re best friends again now?”
“You’re just jealous,” Dana snaps. “You want her all to herself.”
I’m visibly taken aback. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means … it means …” Dana’s struggling with herself. She knows I’m telling the truth, but she isn’t willing to admit it.
“Dana, she’s manipulative and sneaky. I know you’re in love with her, but please, really think about this. She’s got to be up to something.” I’m growing more concerned as we talk about it.
Dana frowns sharply and turns suddenly to face me. “Is it really so hard to imagine someone might actually have feelings for me? You don’t get to be the only one in love.”
Her words strike me in more ways than one. Jealousy is a strong emotion … but love … that’s even greater.
Do I love the boys?
I don’t know. I might. But I can’t think about that right now.
“That isn’t fair,” I say. “You know I want you to be happy.”
“But do you?” Dana’s frustration is reaching near-hysteric levels. Her chest starts heaving and her breaths grow uneven. I freeze, unsure of whether or not she’s about to have a full-blown panic attack over this.
But no, looks like she’s just going to have a Sadie-attack. All her pent up anger and frustration and unrequired love comes pouring out of her like a furious river.
“You were never on my side. All this time you spent with Victoria, and you never once tried to include me. You knew I was in love with her, and still you kept her from me.”
My mouth is agape. None of this is true, or if it is, I only did it to protect her. I try to tell her this, but she won’t let me speak. Her voice grows louder, loud enough to make me cringe at the thought of her sweet, docile parents overhearing. They’ve been nothing but kind to me, and this is what I do.
“You know what? Victoria gets me. She knows what it’s like to lose all her friends. She knows what it’s like to be overlooked and forgotten while someone close to you steals what’s rightfully yours.”
Now I’m really stunned. “If you’re talking about Astor, I never—”
Dana huffs and throws herself back on the bed, crossing her arms. “Say what you want, but I know what you really are … Theodora.”
I swear, my heart stops in my chest.
“Sorry, what did you call me?”
Dana’s eyes narrow, and she glares at me. “Oh, come on! I knew Sadie. I met Sadie earlier last year when she came to tour the school with her parents. She was a Class A bitch, just like you.”
“Please,” I say, my voice growing strained and desperate. “Your parents will hear you.”
But her rampage isn’t over. “You think it took me long to find out who you are? You talk in your sleep … but you probably didn’t know that.”
I grit my teeth. “No, none of my lovely foster parents ever had the decency to tell me.”
Her passion hesitates a bit at my words.
“You were … you are …”
“An orphan. Yeah. That was my first crime.” I puff out my chest and try not to look so pathetic. I can salvage this. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Dana. I really do think of you as a friend … I hope this doesn’t ruin everything.”