“Yeah, well, I forget that this is your first time at one of Victoria’s parties. That shit could take down a horse.”
“Sorry, what?” I look up at him and his head is blurry, like he’s swimming, or like I’m swimming and I’m looking at him through the surface of the water. It’s all wrong. I know he shouldn’t look like that, and I shake my head, trying to clear it of the fog that’s gathering there.
“Why …” I try to speak again, but it’s difficult to say any words. “Why do you keep … kissing me?” I ask as I try to focus on him. I sway a little where I stand, and he reaches out to steady me.
Those warm brown eyes of his won’t let out anything that’s going on behind them. He places his finger on that spot just beneath my chin and he lifts my face a little.
“Why does it matter?” he asks quietly, lowering his mouth to mine.
I lose myself in his kiss again, and it’s a deep, long, sensual kiss. Everything in me catches on fire and begins to spin. I close my fingers tighter around his arms to try to hold on, but I’m so dizzy that I can’t seem to right myself.
This melting in his arms when he kisses me is taking a whole new direction. I can’t hold on to him. I have no strength left in my arms. I can’t stand. I have no strength left in my legs. I open my eyes but it makes me sick because everything is swirling in front of me; all around me, and I can’t stop it. The only thing I can do is let go, so I let go.
I drag Astor down to his knees as I sink to the floor in his arms. He holds me tight against him and starts calling out for help.
All I can think about is how loud it is, and how I wish it would just end. Each noise is like a dagger in the side of my head.
He’s so loud. I close my eyes and squint them trying to block out the noise.
There are voices coming up all around me, and I try to focus on them but I can’t hear anyone clearly. I’ve never been so dizzy and so sick in my life. I hear Wills and Blair, and I open my eyes. Their faces are muddled, but close, and I can make them out.
For one second, looking at them now, I’m able to hear them speaking to me. The voice I hear is Blair’s.
“Sadie, Sadie … it’s going to be okay.”
Then someone is calling an ambulance, and I’m being turned over on my side, and all I’m thinking about is that Blair didn’t call me ‘Bunny’. It’s the only time he’s used my name since we first met. Except it’s not my name.
His face is right in mine and his hands are tight on me. They feel like they are the only thing keeping me tethered to the earth. If he wasn’t holding on to me, I might just slip away like a balloon into the sky and sail all the way to the moon.
“SADIE!” Wills yells at me. “Come on! Focus! Stay with us!”
I blink and try to turn my head to look at him, but I can’t find him. “Where are … you?” I mumble. “Everything … is so … dark.”
And that’s when I give in. I just let the darkness consume me and I am absorbed into it. It’s peaceful, and before I know it, I’m gone.
Chapter 18
I don’t know how long I’m out, but when lucid thought returns to my mind it’s still a little dark. I can hear beeping and the hum of machines. I can hear a clock ticking. I can hear the bustle of noise somewhere far away, and I struggle to come to the surface of the darkness and find my way out of it.
It takes me a long while, but I finally find my way up and manage to open my eyes. It’s bright. It’s so bright that it hurts my eyes at first, but I want to know where I am.
I look around and see white. Everything is white. Everything except Astor, Wills, and Blair who are all there around the bed, silent. Astor is standing by the window, leaning against it, staring at me. Wills has his back up against the wall, his hands jammed down deep in his pockets, and he’s gazing at the floor. Blair is sitting in a chair with his face buried in his hands.
“What …” I try to speak, but my mouth is ever so dry. “What’s …”
Astor darts to my right side and hovers over me, about half a second before Wills and Blair get to my left. Blair grabs my hand as Astor traces his fingertips down the side of my face.
“Hey! There you are. God this has been a nightmare,” he begins, but then Wills nudges him and gives him a stern look as he shakes his head.
“Where am I?” I ask. My head is throbbing and my whole body hurts.
Blair strokes my hand. “You’re in the hospital. The punch Victoria gave you was spiked, and it reacted with …” he glances at the door, “The pills. They pumped your stomach and called your mother. She’s on her way.”
Panic shoots through me like lightning. “My … my mother?”
I slump back on the bed, my eyes glazing over to stare off into nothing. All this time, all this work to keep my true identity safe, and now it’s all going to come crashing down because I drank at a party?
If getting into the school was a dream, it’s just become a nightmare.