All my attempts to ignore him, angering Astor, embarrassing myself … it’s all been for nothing. Blair sits so close to me, I can’t even breathe without thinking of him now.
It’s all a game this, and I think I’m already losing.
Is this day ever going to end?
Chapter 8
The first day of school does end, but it’s only the beginning of all the other days that follow. When I first came to Hawthorne Academy, I had no idea what to expect, really. I had it in my head that I would work hard in my classes, that I would give myself a solid foundation to build a good future on, and that I would hopefully make some friends.
That’s all fine and dandy, but it’s just the beginning. Turns out those were the easy parts.
My run-ins with the boy’s don’t stop. Try as I might to stay out of their way, there’s no avoiding them. Blair is bent on teasing me like I’m his new toy, but I know how that goes. He’ll play with me for a while, but as soon as he’s bored with me he’ll move on to the next shiny, new thing.
Then there’s Wills. He still hasn’t forgiven me for the incident with the boat. I’ve tried to stay out of his way as much as possible during sailing class, and thankfully after the shipwreck earlier our teacher doesn’t try and pair us
up together again.
Astor is … he’s just Astor. Thank god we only have one class together, because I think there’s a certain point where shooting daggers with your eyes might actually kill a person. If that is the case, I’ll be found murdered by eye-daggers any day now.
The days fly by and the weather starts to drift into fall by the end of the following week. The leaves have started to turn at the edges and the air has a certain crispness in the mornings. That sharpness still lingers on the lawn Friday afternoon as I’m finishing up a biology assignment with Dana.
Today she’s lost in her own thoughts, not really paying any attention to the fact that the only response I’ve given her over the last hour are a series of half-hearted grunts. She’s gone off on one of her “Victoria” tangents again.
“Did you see Victoria today? It takes all my will not to just … reach out and touch her skin.”
This time I actually glance up. “You know that sounds super serial-killer-y, right?”
Dana closes her eyes and groans miserably for a moment as she’s laying on the grass near me.
“I know. Just kill me please.”
I mime stabbing her several times in the stomach before going back to my work. She just sighs again and rolls over on her side.
“If I was you, I wouldn’t be spending any time with me. Not when Victoria actually wants to be your friend.”
Now it’s my turn to sigh. I set down the book and stretch my cramped shoulders.
Truth be told, I’ve gotten kind of tired of the way Victoria tries to show me off on her arm around the school like some kind of keeper of the new girl. I know there’s a brain behind those fake lashes and perfect hair, but she’s still the very definition of shallow and self-serving.
At the end of the day, it’s Dana I can actually talk to … and that means a lot to me. I haven’t had many true friendships in my life. I’ve not been here too long, but I know that Dana is a true friend. It’s for that reason that I refuse to lie to her.
Well, aside from the necessary ones.
“You should really stop obsessing over her, Dana. As both of your friends … I can honestly say that I don’t think Victoria is ever going to notice you. Not so long as she’s only got eyes for Astor.”
“Astor,” Dana grumbles, then she laughs. “Astor is an ass. He really is.”
“Tell me about it,” I mutter back. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t know if I’m getting bullied on a near daily basis … or if I’m just really, really unlucky. I mean …the showers can only go cold so many times when I’m the only one in there. Not to mention the whole new uniform I had to replace because just my laundry somehow accidentally got mixed in with bleach.
Dana props herself up and leans her head into her palm as she regards me seriously. “Listen, I know the holy trinity has been giving you hell since you started, but I really think you should watch out for them. I don’t trust them at all. Not Astor, Wills, or Blair. They’re trouble, and not the good kind of trouble. You be careful around them.”
I tell her I already am, but then my thoughts go a little further than I want them to. It’s true that I don’t trust the ‘holy trinity’, but there’s something about each one that’s such a draw for me; something deep in me that’s like a gravitational pull. It’s probably some poorly-repressed need for acceptance thanks to my fucked-up childhood. I wish it wasn’t there, but it’s undeniable.
One of the many courtesies of being an outsider my whole life.
All I can do is push it down and ignore it, and hope that none of them senses it, because Dana is right. That’s trouble I don’t need. I’m still trying to fit in around here, and I’m being careful about every step I take. If I let anyone too close, even Dana, I risk letting out my secret.
We finally have to head off to class for English Lit. All the pine trees around here have made my allergies flare up again, so as soon as I set my books on my desk I have to dart to the back of the room to grab a tissue.