Still, despite that guilt I’m supposed to be feeling, I do get a small feeling of exhilaration as I shoplift the two-dollar soda and start walking toward the door. It’s not as big of a thrill as the other things I’ve done lately, but it’s still something.
“Don’t have what you’re looking for?” he asks as he sees me getting ready to leave.
“Nah, not this time,” I answer as casually as I can manage.
He wishes me a good night as I slip out of the door, my prize still neatly tucked away.
I’ve done it. I’ve gotten away with it.
Or so I think until I look up into Tom’s face gawking at me just outside the door.
“You know, I would have bought you the soda,” Tom says after glancing at the door now swinging shut behind me. “But with the way you’ve been acting out lately, I figure it’s not the lack of money that’s making you do this shit.”
Speaking of shit …
Shit.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say as I keep walking on the path toward home.
“Yes, you do.”
Tom follows right along with me as I walk and keeps pace beside me.
“I know what that’s like,” he says as I try to walk faster and ignore him. “That need to feel. The need to feel just about anything as long as it’s something.”
I stop and turn to look at him in surprise.
I must have a fearsome look on my face, because he takes a half step backwards and holds up his hands in surrender.
“I have a better idea than shoplifting,” he says. “Meet me at the outskirts of the woods tomorrow night at midnight.”
“And why would I do that?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.
“Because me and a few of my friends are having a bonfire and I promise you that if you come, there will be something there that will make you feel more alive than stealing two-dollar sodas.”
I hesitate and think about it for a moment. I think I know what he’s talking about, but I never took Tom for this type. I somehow doubt whatever he has at this bonfire will be strong enough to make me feel anything at all … but still, the thought of it sounds better than doing nothing.
It’s a small risk. But it’s a risk.
Tom picks up on my hesitation.
“Besides,” he says. “Tomorrow night will be the night before the eclipse. If nothing else, you’ll get a great glimpse of the night sky while you’re there.”
The eclipse.
I hadn’t been keeping track of the days since having thrown my calendar away.
Suddenly, his invitation sounds all the more appealing.
Not because I want to see the night sky, but because I want to do something, anything that I know Rory, Kaleb, and Marlowe wouldn’t want me to do. Something to keep my mind off them.
Hanging out with Tom and a bunch of guys at the edge of the woods right before the eclipse sounds exactly like something that would make Rory furious. The more I think about it, the louder the howling sound in my head gets until I finally just blurt out in agreement.
“Yeah,” I say. “I’ll be there.”
“Good,” Tom smiles. “For what it’s worth, I know what you’re going through, Sabrina.”
No, you don’t. You have utterly no idea what I’m going through.