Now everything was wrong. It all felt out of place. She struggled with her feelings and desperately tried to sort them out, but nothing seemed logical. Everything was a huge mess. Were her feelings for Jackson real, or were they fabricated, at best? She didn’t know for sure.
After a quick call to a “not so surprised about all the drama, but was still sorry it was happening” Tracey, Caroline called Bailey who said, “Get over here and stay with me tonight.”
Caroline knocked on Bailey’s apartment door and her shoulders dropped in relief at the sight of Bailey’s sympathetic face. Bailey grabbed her in her arms and that was all Caroline needed to start the waterworks.
She tossed her purse onto the faded blue couch and leaned against the wall. Then she fell apart. She could barely speak through her sobs and when she did, Bailey could hardly understand what she tried to say. “So you’re saying that you told Jackson about the proposal?”
Caroline nodded.
“Oh, God, Care. Did he freak?”
Caroline nodded again and Bailey walked to the kitchen and poured a tall glass of water.
“Here, Care, you’ve got to calm down. Please. Take some deep breaths and then let’s talk about this.” Bailey sat against the wall next to her crying friend.
“O…o…” But all Caroline could do was cry and try to breathe. “O…okay.” She tried desperately to stop the tears that fell. “He’s so angry, Bailey. He’s so mad at me.”
Bailey rubbed her hand along the length of Caroline’s back. “Of course he’s angry. He’s devastated.”
“What do you mean?” Caroline looked at her with tear-filled eyes.
Bailey chuckled. “What do you mean, what do I mean? Stop being stupid. He loves you. He doesn’t want you to marry someone else. Can’t you see that? You have to know that. I mean, reverse the situation—how would you feel?”
Caroline sat for a moment and allowed her mind to do exactly that. Now it was Jackson who had the girlfriend. And Jackson who delivered the news that he was engaged. She immediately felt nauseous at the made-up thoughts and reached for the empty trash can nearby.
“Oh no, you don’t. No emotional puking on my watch, missy.” Bailey snatched away the blue canister and handed her the water instead.
“How do you know he loves me?”
“Are you really that naïve?” Caroline flashed a look through angry eyes, which only made Bailey grin. “He’s a GUY, Caroline…a guy who is getting nothing from you. I mean, no loving, no nookie, no nothing!”
Bailey cocked her eyebrows and threw a hand in the air. When it was clear that Caroline still didn’t understand, she continued. “Ugh. He still texts you, emails you…spends hours on the phone with you. He goes out of his way to spend time with you and pay attention to you. Guys don’t do that—especially when they’re not getting anything physical in return—unless they care about you.”
The words sent Caroline into a tailspin of emotions. Shooting pains ricocheted through her chest. “What do I do? I’m such a mess, Bailey. What do I do?”
Bailey looked at her friend. “I can’t tell you that. Look, I know you love Clay. And I know that Clay is a really great guy.”
Caroline nodded her head in agreement. “So you think I should stay with Clay?”
“I didn’t say that. I just said I know you love him and I know he’s great. And I think you guys could be perfectly happy together.” Caroline acknowledged Bailey’s words with a knowing look.
“But I also know that in all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never heard you talk about any guy, ever, the way you talk about Jackson,” Bailey continued. “And I’ve never seen you light up the way you do when it comes to him.”
Bailey paused for a moment. “I also know that you wouldn’t be doing this for just any guy. I think if you could make your heart stop feeling things for Jackson, you would because you think that’s the right thing to do. You never want to hurt people and you always want to do the right thing. I think people come into our lives for a reason, Care. For whatever reason, Jackson came into yours…but for a completely different one, he hasn’t left. And you haven’t let him. So you tell me.”
Caroline answered, “I know what I want. Like, I know what my heart wants me to do. I know where I want to be. And it’s not here. It’s not with Clay. And just saying that out loud makes me feel like a terrible, awful person. Everything about this situation seems so wrong…hurting Clay…breaking off the engagement. That doesn’t feel good. Why should being with Jackson be this difficult? If we’re really supposed to be together, wouldn’t it be easier?”
“Are you kidding? Who made that rule ’cause I’d love to give them a piece of my mind,” Bailey sassed.
“I don’t know that I can do it.”
“Do what exactly?” Bailey pressed.
Caroline eyed her. “I love Clay. I really do.”
“No one doubts your love for Clay.”
“But what if leaving him is the wrong choice?”