But did I want to completely wreck myself and my heart in the process? Absolutely not.
I was conflicted, torn between wanting to be chosen by him, but not wanting to be tossed away like all the others. The tossed-away part was probably the real reason why I told him I was dating someone. My subconscious was clearly all about my sense of self-preservation, even if the rest of me wasn’t.
“I don’t know if I can do it,” I said in a low voice, filled with self-doubt.
“What don’t you know if you can do? Go out with Nick Fisher?” Rachel frowned, clucking her tongue at me. “Are you dead? No, you’re not. So of course you can.” She pinned me with her brown eyes, seeing right through me.
“I’m already stupidly crushing on him, no thanks to you. But if I go out with him, he’s going to break me. I’m sensitive, Rach. I want the guy I go out with to actually like me back.”
“Who says he doesn’t?”
“He doesn’t even know me.”
She rolled her eyes and took another sip of water before groaning. “That’s the whole point, gringa. How else will he get to know you if he doesn’t take you out? Stop reading into this and just have some fun. We’re in college; it’s not like we’re looking to get married.”
“Definitely not looking to get married,” I repeated. “So I’d date Nick for fun?”
“Yes, for fun. Don’t go into it with any expectations. You know his reputation. He doesn’t tend to date anyone for very long, but nobody knows why. And when Nick does ask you out—and trust me, he will—say yes and then we’ll work on convincing you that it’s no big deal. That you’re just going out as friends and nothing more.”
I nodded along with her crazy train of thought, my brain doing its damnedest to agree with her. “I like it. Just friends. I can do that.”
“Of course you can,” she said, obviously more sure of me than I was.
“Yeah. Friends don’t break friends’ hearts because you’re just a friend, and it’s just friendly feelings there,” I said, trying to convince myself.
“Exactly,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Friends. Because a heart has no place in dates with Nick Fisher.”
My heart pounded inside my chest.
Shit. I was doomed before we even began.
Flirting Master
Nick
Lucky for me, the class I shared with Jess met three times a week. Unfortunately, today wasn’t one of those days.
I found myself scanning the campus while I walked through it, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. I realized that I left her sort of abruptly yesterday, but I really did have to go, and leaving people wanting more was always a good game to play.
Hearing her say she was dating someone annoyed the crap out of me. Not that I couldn’t handle a little healthy competition, but I definitely wasn’t used to it.
So I wasn’t ashamed that I cyberstalked the hell out of Jess once I got home, but batted zero because she had all her social media accounts set to private.
Smart girl.
I then made it a point to ask a few of my fraternity brothers about her, trying not to arouse too much suspicion. But when they were a little too intrigued for my liking, I backed off and pretended I only needed to find her to ask a question about class.
Who knew what those knuckleheads would do if they thought I was into her. One of them would probably try to get to her before I could, just to say they did. And then I wouldn’t be able to date her at all, and the thought of that pissed me off.
You see, I might have certain rules when it came to my personal life, but that didn’t mean that the rest of the guys in my fraternity followed suit. In my opinion, being a jerk to girls sometimes was one thing, but being a dick to my brothers was another thing entirely. I didn’t want to be someone the other guys didn’t trust or couldn’t put their faith in.
All through the day, I looked around for Jess. Admittedly, I might have stayed on campus a little longer than necessary in the hope of running into her, yet I never did. But not seeing her gave me more time to come up with a game plan for the next day in class.
A plan that flew right out the window the second I saw her.
Jess sat down first and I moved to sit next to her again, knowing she’d be surprised. I watched as she flinched slightly, no doubt assuming that the last time had been nothing more than a fluke.
“You again,” she said, trying not to smile.