“That’s how I feel half the time. I love him because he’s my dad; he’s extremely smart and successful, and I know he wants the best for me. But I hate him because he’s controlling, and I don’t feel like I get a say in my own life sometimes. I never know what to do to make him happy. Whatever I do, it’s never enough. When I played football, he’s pissed that I’m playing. So I quit, and then he’s pissed that I quit. I join the same fraternity he was in when he was in college, but I had to be the president. Because just being in the same fraternity as him wasn’t good enough, I had to run the damn thing.”
Sighing, I added, “I date girls, but they’re always the wrong girls. That’s why I stopped bringing anyone home to meet him. He’s nice to everyone’s face, but then behind closed doors he rails the living shit out of me.” I dropped my head in my hands before continuing. “If the girl doesn’t come from money, he tells me I’m being stupid. That love has no place in business, and to get my head on straight.”
“I don’t know what to say. Obviously, I think that’s all insane. Him, not you.”
Time to change the subject. Take it away from my fucked-up father and back to us. “Jess, are you sure we’re okay? I’m really sorry. I should have told you about the date.”
I really was sorry that I hadn’t mentioned it to her, but the truth was that I was terrified she wouldn’t listen to reason. Most of the girls I’d dated in the past had run on emotion instead of logic, and instead of hearing me out, they’d just scream and yell. It was exhausting.
“Why didn’t you?” she asked. “About the date, I mean.”
“I wanted to. I almost did when I walked you to the library this morning, but . . .” I paused, thinking of exactly how to word it. “I thought you’d be pissed. Or wouldn’t understand, and I wasn’t allowed to cancel on her. I didn’t want you to be mad at me.” That was some more truth right there. The last thing I wanted was to piss Jess off. I liked her too much already.
She tugged at my hair until I looked up at her. “You can’t lie to me, Nick. Or keep things from me. Otherwise, this doesn’t work.” She winced, clearly more than a little uncomfortable.
“You’re right. You’re absolutely right.” I looked her in the eyes, noting how the blue of them seemed to cast a spell on me I refused to fight.
She leaned down, trying to plant a quick kiss on my lips, but I pulled her on top of me, deepening the kiss. I refused to let her get away that easily. I gripped the back of her neck, spreading my fingers through her blond hair as my mouth tasted her, loving every second of it and never wanting it to end.
“Nick,” she said softly, her breath feathering my lips, and I reluctantly stopped kissing her.
“Yes?”
“What are we doing?” She tilted her head as she stared at me.
“I thought we were kissing,” I said with a smile, and she scrunched her nose.
“You know what I mean. Don’t you?”
“You mean about us. What are we doing, right?”
She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, something I’d noticed she did when she was uncomfortable. “Yeah.”
Shit. She was nervous.
“Well . . .” I moved her body off of my lap so I could think straight. No guy in his right mind could think at all with a hot girl sitting on his junk. “I like you. A lot. And at this point, I have no desire to see anyone else.”
“At this point?” She swallowed before scooting away from me.
Damn. That didn’t come out right.
“That’s not what I meant. I want to be with you, Jess. I want to date you. Only you. I can’t stop thinking about you, okay?”
“So we’re dating then. And we’re not dating other people?”
“Right. I mean, if that’s what you want.” Please say that’s what you want.
“Is that what you want?” she asked, her expression so unsure that it almost hurt to look at.
I laughed. “Yes, Jess. That’s what I want. I thought I said that already.”
“I know, it’s just . . . you have a reputation, and I like you a lot. Probably more than I should.”
I reached for her hand and pulled her closer. “I like you more than I should too.”
“You do?”