Actually, that wasn’t quite true. I wasn’t completely honest when I said I’d been prepared—nothing could have prepared me for that. I hadn’t had sex in a very long time, and what we just did was so much more than sex.
Cal had been inside me, a part of me, joined with me on a primal level that was as emotional as it was physical, and I already felt more connected to him than I was two hours ago. Sex brought people closer. At least, I’d always felt that it should. Being intimate on that level should bring you together, not tear you apart.
Knowing my feelings on the subject had been the exact reason why I hadn’t slept with him in Boston. But to be honest, I was no better off now. He’d still leave in two days, and I was hopelessly addicted to him.
Cal stayed silent after my admission, the only sound his heart pounding beneath my ear. I was almost asleep when he finally whispered, “You might have ruined me
too.”
It was so soft, I wasn’t sure he’d meant for me to hear it or not, so I remained still and pretended to be asleep.
Malibu Days
Cal
I’d fantasized about being with Jules in more ways than I cared to admit during our time apart, but nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the real thing. Her body was made for mine. She curved around me, bending and moving in ways I’d only dreamed about before now. And when she told me I’d ruined her for all other men, I didn’t care if she was only saying it to placate me or my ego.
I needed to hear it. It was only fair that she be ruined if I was.
No matter what happened between us after this weekend, I wasn’t sure I’d ever experience anything like that with another female as long as I lived. Don’t get me wrong, sex almost always felt incredible to a guy, but there were times that it was simply . . . something more. Better somehow, more intense, more emotional. This was definitely one of those times.
I’d promised myself on the flight that I’d try to keep a level head, but one look at Jules waiting for me outside the airport and all levelheadedness flew out the damn window. I couldn’t keep my head on straight when it came to her. Long-distance Jules was one thing. In person, she was a different beast altogether. I had even less self-control when she was in the same room as I was. My hands proved to me time and time again that they had a mind of their own.
I had no idea how I’d survive this weekend, but I resigned myself to having a good time and not reading anything else into it. Whatever this was between us, I wasn’t going to try to label it or categorize it, because that wasn’t realistic when it came to us. We still lived on opposite coasts, loved our jobs, and were determined to get ahead in them. Those were our priorities, and when this weekend ended, they still would be. This was supposed to be fun; nothing more.
When I opened my eyes the next morning, Jules’s head was still on my chest. Our bodies had become hopelessly intertwined during the night, her leg draped around mine, my arm under her back, holding her tight. Her long blond hair was splayed over my body, and I instinctively moved to touch it. Everything about my reactions to Jules was instinctual. I did things before I even had the chance to think about them.
God, she was beautiful. Still naked, the sheet covering only parts of her soft skin, she looked like a painting. No wonder my head was such a mess when it came to her. Her beauty rivaled her brain; she was a double threat.
I didn’t want to move, didn’t want to wake her, but I had to take a leak. When I pulled my arm carefully from under her, she stirred and turned her head slowly to face me, those green eyes as gorgeous as ever.
“Morning,” she said as she stretched her arms over her head and mewed.
“Morning.” I bent down to kiss her forehead. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I need to go to the bathroom.”
“It’s okay.”
She smiled as I pushed out of the bed, still naked and sporting some serious morning wood. When her gaze dropped to my groin and stayed there, I had to stop myself from making a smartass remark as I walked into her oversized bathroom. The thing was truly over the top, large enough to house a small family. Of people, not pets.
“Jules?” I shouted from the bathroom, not sure why my question couldn’t wait.
“Yeah,” she called out, her voice still groggy.
“How big is this place?”
“Almost eighteen hundred square feet. Why?”
“Cause it’s huge,” I said before walking back into the room. It was way too much space for one person, and even though Jules had it decorated comfortably, she couldn’t use all this space.
“This was the smallest apartment,” she said, still raising her voice. “The others are all over two thousand.”
Jules hadn’t moved from where I’d left her. Not really. She was still spread out facedown on the mattress, the white sheet only partly covering her naked body.
I wanted her, needed her. And if I thought I’d been drawn to her before last night, it was definitely stronger now. I never really equated sex with making you feel closer to someone before. It was just something people did, an act that didn’t always require thought. A need to be filled, a thirst to be quenched. I suddenly felt like I’d been doing it wrong my whole life.
I eased myself onto the mattress, covering the back of her body with the front of mine as I leaned down, trying not to crush her. Kissing her exposed back, I swept her hair off to the side before kissing her neck and her shoulder. She tried to turn to face me, but she couldn’t. I pushed up, giving her enough space to turn over before I lowered myself on top of her once more and took what I was slowly becoming addicted to. Her body.
We showered together afterward, taking turns washing each other and becoming orally acquainted. I briefly considered packing my bags and moving into this shower forever as I looked down and saw Jules on her knees, her head bobbing up and down. It was one of those images you hoped stayed with you until the day you died.