“I’m scared that I’m repeating a pattern. That my life is on a vicious cycle that’s filled with loss and heartache,” I admitted, feeling vulnerable.
“Based on one event? One action?” my mom asked simply.
“One event that changed everything! One action that took away my father, your husband. Losing Dad wrecked me.”
I glanced at Kristy, surprised she hadn’t chimed in lately. She’d been so quiet that I wouldn’t have known she was still there if I couldn’t see her sitting next to me.
Mom reached out to pat my arm. “Oh, honey. Losing your father wrecked me too. But I will tell you this. If I had known how it was all going to end—if I had known the outcome before we ever started—I would have done it all anyway. I wouldn’t have given up a single second of my life with your father if given the choice. I’d choose loving him and being loved by him over the pain of losing him ten times out of ten.”
I wasn’t sure when the tears started spilling from my eyes, but the vision of my mom had turned into a blurred mess. “How can you say that? You really would have put yourself through the pain of losing him if you had known?”
“God, yes,” Mom said with a determined nod. “A thousand times yes. Losing your dad was hands down the single most painful event I’ve ever experienced. There were days I wasn’t sure I’d make it through. Days that hurt so bad, every time I opened my eyes, I prayed they’d never open again.”
I winced with that admission, horrified to know my mother had felt that way.
“But all those years I got to spend with him were the best years of my life. Being his wife filled me with pride because I respected him. He showed me what a true gentleman was made of. And he made me a mother; he gave me you. I learned what real love was because of him. And I’m a better person for it. I would never want to lose any of that because we didn’t get to grow old together. I’m just so thankful for every moment we did have.”
“Jesus, Mom.” I barely formed the words as I started bawling. Her speech was as beautiful as it was painful, as inspiring as it was heartbreaking.
Kristy reached for my hand and squeezed
it as she wiped away her own tears, the kitchen now filled with the sounds of three women sniffling.
Mom stood up and gave us each a hug. “I love you so much, sweetheart, and I’m so proud of you. I would hate to see you make your choices in love out of fear. What happened to your dad could have happened to anyone. It didn’t happen because he was a police officer. He wasn’t killed because he was a cop. He was killed because he was in the way, because he was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or the right place at the right time, because he saved that little girl’s life.”
She smiled through her own tears. “It all depends on how you look at it. Don’t make Dalton pay for what some thug did to your dad. Don’t give that person that kind of power over you and your life. We both know he’s done enough damage.”
I had never thought about it that way before. By running away from Dalton, I was giving my dad’s killer even more power over me. He was winning, and I was choosing to let him. I’d already lost so much.
“I know that was a bit of an emotional dump.” Mom smiled and tilted her head. “But you understand what I’m trying to tell you, don’t you?”
“That love is worth the risk?” I asked, hoping my answer was the right one.
“For the right person, it is. Don’t give up on Dalton because you’re scared your future might look the way mine did. It’s not fair to him, and it’s not fair to you. Your future might be way brighter than mine ever was. With a lot more kids,” she added with a wink. “Just try to think about it that way.”
“Ha-ha! She wants grandkids already,” Kristy burst out, and I swatted her shoulder. She was the annoying sister I never had.
“How are you feeling? Have I helped at all?” my mother asked, her tone less concerned and more hopeful.
“You definitely helped. And I feel better, a lot better. Thanks, Mom.” I squeezed her hard. “I want to soak in all this information and really think about things. I can’t keep playing Dalton like a pinball machine. When I talk to him, I want to be one hundred percent sure of everything I feel.”
“Don’t take too long,” my mom warned.
“I just need a few days to get my head right.”
Mom gave me a mischievous grin. “That’s what I told him you’d say.”
Shocked, I practically choked on my own tongue. I reached out for Kristy to steady myself, and noticed her jaw was hanging wide open.
“What did you just say?” I asked my mom once I found my voice.
Her eyes twinkled as she sat back down in her chair. “That’s what I told the young man when he stopped by here this morning. I told him to give you time. But that you’d come around.”
“Mom! Dalton was here?”
“That boy’s in love with you, Cammie.”
“What did he want? Why was he here?”