“Thanks.” It was a stupid thing to say. Thanks? Who the fuck cared about thanks at a time like this?
“The station will be in touch. We’re so sorry for your loss. He was a good cop,” the younger officer said, his tone sincere.
“And a great man. I’ve known your dad for years,” the older one added.
Glancing down at my mom, I noticed she hadn’t moved from her fetal position on the floor of our foyer. Her body shook violently as she rocked back and forth. I wanted to fall apart myself, but how could I come undone when my mom was completely unraveled?
“Thanks for telling us,” I said, then closed the door, uncaring if I was rude to them, but I couldn’t care less at this point. I needed to get my mom off the floor.
“Mom. Mom, let’s get up. Please get up.”
I’d locked my arms under hers as I tried to lift her, but she wouldn’t budge and I hadn’t been strong enough. By the time I’d finally gone to bed that night, she was still in the exact same place, in the same position as right after she’d gotten the news.
• • •
“Okay,” Dr. Patel said, nodding with understanding. “Well, that’s most likely where the panic attack stemmed from.”
“Was I dying?” I asked, because it sure as hell seemed like it. “It felt like I was having a heart attack.”
She patted my arm and smiled at me. “That’s completely normal. Most patients who have them report those very feelings and emotions.”
The doctor’s voice and words were meant to soothe me, I knew that, but they did little to calm me. I didn’t want to have panic attacks every time I worried about Dalton.
Kristy stood up from the visitor’s chair and stepped toward the bed. “So, what do we do going forward? She can’t go through that again.”
Dr. Patel pulled a pad and a pen from the pocket of her white coat, scribbling away as she said, “I’ll give you a prescription for something that you can take if you feel an attack coming on. I don’t think you need to take this long term, or on days when you’re feeling perfectly fine.”
I nodded in complete agreement. The last thing I wanted was to get addicted to any kind of prescription medication. I didn’t use recreational drugs, and on the rare occasion that I drank, it was only a glass or two of wine. The idea of having to take something every day to ward off potential anxiety attacks scared me.
“So, are the symptoms always the same?” I asked. “I mean, how will I know when it’s happening again?” The thought of going through another attack like this made me shudder.
“You’ll know. You’ll recognize the feelings.” Dr. Patel seemed confident in her assessment. “And as soon as they start, just take one of these and everything will start to level off again. But if this doesn’t help”—she waved the prescription pad in the air—“or your attacks get worse, I want you to call me.”
“Okay. Thank you,” I said as I took the prescription from the doctor’s hand and silently hoped I’d never have to call her again.
Where the Hell Is He
Cammie
I was released from the hospital that evening when my vitals had returned to normal and I felt confident enough to go. That whole experience had been terrifying for me.
After Kristy drove me home, walked me inside, and tucked me into bed with the TV on, she made a couple of phone calls and worked out getting my car back to the condo complex. She also had my prescription filled. She was an angel disguised as a sassy legal-interning devil.
“Thank you so much for doing that,” I told her once she returned from picking up my car. “And thanks for staying here with me.”
She tossed her overnight bag on my bedroom floor and hopped onto my bed. “Not a problem. But don’t ever do that shit to me again. That was so scary, seeing you like that.”
I sucked in a deep breath, thankful that I now could. “I was terrified; there’s just no other word for it. I never want to go through that again. I can’t believe some people have those all the time.”
“Not that I want to trigger you into another one, but any word from Dalton?” she asked hesitantly.
I glanced at my phone again, already knowing the answer. “No. Nothing.”
“What the fuck?” she spat out as my eyes instantly teared up. “I don’t understand this. At all.”
Blinking back my tears, I shrugged. “The only thing I can think of is that something bad has happened. Why else would he disappear on me like that? He wouldn’t, would he?”
“No, of course not.”