“Yeah. I love coming here for meals. Especially if Gran’s cooking,” Melissa added, taking a huge bite of bread.
Cassie leaned forward to give me an encouraging look, and I nodded.
“Well,” I began, “we wanted you all here because I have some news. And I wanted to share it with everyone at the same time. ”
All eyes focused on me as the room went silent. Even the boys stopped fidgeting for a second. “I’ve officially decided that this will be my last season playing baseball. ”
Suddenly, several voices all rang out at once, each trying to talk over the other. Cassie raised her arms in the air to quiet them down. “Let him finish. ”
I looked around and scrunched my face before clarifying, “I was finished. ”
Dean’s fork clanged against his plate. “But what about all the offers? You won’t even consider them?” He suddenly turned from a brother to an agent.
“It’s not about the offers,” I said, then my tone turned firm. “I’ve made up my mind. ”
“But these are major league, starting rotation offers, Jack. Really solid contracts. ”
“I don’t care, Dean. ”
Melissa reached over Coby and settled her hand on top of Dean’s arm. It seemed to bring him back to reality and remind him who he was; my brother, not my agent.
“Why now?” Gramps asked, and I felt it was a fair question.
“Honestly? Because I think if I spend any more time playing, I’ll lose it. I’ll lose it all. The love I have for the game. The respect I have for the office that runs it. I’m tired of all the bullshit that goes on behind the scenes. ”
“Bad word, Daddy!” Chance yelled.
Coby giggled. “Bad word, Unckie Jack!”
“Sorry, guys. ” I really needed to watch my language around the boys. This was going to be an adjustment.
Shaking off my mental list of things to do once I retired from ball, I continued. “But I’m mostly tired of not being around. These past five years have been the hardest ones for me. I might be a success on the baseball field, but I’ve felt like a failure at home. ”
“Jack. ” Cassie pushed her chair back and wrapped her arms around me from behind. She planted a kiss on the side of my head. “Nothing about you is a failure, do you hear me?”
I wanted to believe her, but I knew it sucked handling everything alone. Whether she wanted to admit it or not. “I appreciate you saying that, Kitten. I do. But it’s hard not to feel like one. ”
“Well, knock it off. ” She smacked my shoulder before returning to her seat.
“Yeah, Jack,” Gran said sternly. “Don’t do that to yourself. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve been a good husband and a good father while you also juggled a demanding career. No one faults you for that. ” The wonderful woman who raised me looked at me, her eyes filled with an odd combination of pride and sadness, and I felt a little twinge in my gut.
“You’re a good person, Jack. I know you don’t always believe that about yourself, but you are. I’m proud of you, son,” Gramps added and I almost fucking lost it. If my brother and Melissa hadn’t been sitting at the table, I probably would have cried like a baby, but I refused to do that in front of them. Dean didn’t need to witness what a complete pussy I’d turned into.
“I want to be a better husband and a better father. And this is what I need to do it. I hope you all understand. ” I chanced another glance at my brother.
“Playing baseball on a professional level is intense, bro. You’ve given up so much to do it, you always have. If you think about it, you’ve never really had a normal life. You’ve always been busting your ass to make your dreams come true. And once they did, the work didn’t stop, it only got harder. ” Dean nodded thoughtfully. “It’s your career and I think it’s pretty awesome if you end it on your terms. ”
“Thank you. Do you think Marc and Ryan will be pissed?”
“Nah. ” He waved me off. “Surprised, maybe, but not pissed. They’ll understand. ”
“Congratulations, Jack,” Melissa chimed in. “You have no idea what you’ve been missing. ”
“But I do. That’s the whole point. ”
“No, you don’t. Not really. Do you even know what summer is? Aside from prime-time ball-playing season?”
I laughed. “I have a vague recollection of this thing you call summer. ”