It felt nice.
“Of course you come and say all of that and have to end on something so utterly alpha male. So utterly you,” I told him once I finally got control of myself.
“As beautiful as you are when you smile, when you laugh, it’s not exactly the reaction I expected to all of this,” Jay replied through gritted teeth.
There was unease in his voice. A lack of confidence that didn’t suit him. Didn’t suit the image I held of him. He was afraid. Afraid that he’d just crossed the world and laid his soul bare to someone who was going to reject him. Push him away or punish him for hurting me.
My hands went to his face, framing it. It was hard to believe I was touching him right now. That he was letting me touch him like this.
“I love you,” I whispered. “I’ll always love you. You hurt me. You hurt us both. But I understand it. I’m not going to punish you for it. I’m definitely not going to hurt us both more just to prove something.” I wrapped my legs around him, pressing his body to mine.
Jay’s malachite eyes flared, and the veins in his neck protruded as he hardened against my entrance.
“I need you,” I whispered. “In every way a woman needs a man. And then some more. You haven’t lied about who you are. I’m a woman of sound mind. And I want you. There are things we need to talk about.” I wrapped my hand around the back of his head and pulled down. His lips moved against mine, and I ran my tongue along his. “But right now, I really don’t want to talk,” I murmured against his lips.
I barely got my words out before he surged inside me, proving that he really didn’t want to talk either.
Later, much later, we found ourselves in the kitchen. He’d taken me as many ways as a man could take a woman—or that’s what it seemed like. We’d moved against each other until we were covered in sweat, until my muscles burned from exertion, until I’d had as many orgasms as any woman had ever had—or at least that’s what it seemed like.
It was still dark. The night was still quiet, at its thickest, just past three. When all the ghosts and demons came out to play. All the sinners.
“The eggs here, they’re something else,” I proclaimed as I spooned them onto the toast I had waiting on two plates.
Jay was leaning against the kitchen island, watching me work. I’d told him to sit at the breakfast bar, make himself comfortable, but he’d ignored my command. Of course he had. I was glad about it too. Even though the barstool was a mere few feet away, it seemed much too far. I needed him close, and he needed it, too, obviously. Because he swept my hair from my neck as I chopped tomatoes, kissing my bare skin. Ran his hand along the cleft of my bare ass—he’d made me cook naked, and I hadn’t complained. He didn’t help. He just stood there, watching. Sometimes touching. Not speaking. There would be words. Likely many. Later.
The way he looked at me made me want to peel the skin from my bones just so I could let him further inside me. I was ravenous for his gaze.
But something about it hurt. Something made me want to escape it. Him. This was a stranger, standing here without clothes on, regarding my naked skin, all of the exposed nerves inside of my soul. He was a figment of my imagination. The villain I’d come to escape. To forget.
But he was also too familiar. He knew me too well. Could see too far inside of me. There was no hiding from Jay. There was no way I could protect myself, try to do all of the things that I imagined I would do if I ever saw him again.
I was going to make him wait, or I’d planned to. Make him work. Torture him with the same cruelty and coldness he’d shown me. But that had been impossible. There was not one single part of my body or soul that was even chilly right now. Everything was on fire.
I had no resentment for this man. No need for payback. Because written there, right on his face, the one that had been closed and empty to me for the longest time, was open and naked just like he was. There was pain. There was agony. Regret. Most of all, there was love. Love that was tangled in pain and regret. Love that was ours.
My hands shook as I picked up the plates of eggs. I was glad I had something to do, but I worried that I couldn’t handle the weight of the two plates as I struggled with the burden of Jay’s stare.