Dating men I knew I’d never love. Ones that I knew I’d never give myself to. I’ve lived sort of a lie before Ethan. Pretending that I was experienced in sex and love while holding on to that special part of me, hoping to give it to someone who loved me. I didn’t really know I was protecting it but now it makes sense. Ethan easily slipped past my walls. Both the girls hug me tightly, comforting me.
“I love him so much.” I admit the words out loud. It feels good to say them.
“Then talk to him. Max says he’s a good man,” Mia reassures me.
“I know he is. I do.” I am so inside my own head about all of this. They release me from the hug and step back. A wave of dizziness washes over me. I reach out, grabbing ahold of Kim. She grabs me, her arms wrapping around me to help sturdy myself. Mia says something I can’t make out. A moment later I’m on the sofa.
“Should I call 911?” Kim asks. I shake my head no at the same time my front door explodes open. Ethan is in front of me immediately, dropping to his knees. His hands come up to cup my face. I see Mia has her phone in her hand. She must have called downstairs to them.
“What’s wrong?” His voice is filled with panic.
“I’m fine. I got dizzy for a moment.” I think all of my emotions got the best of me. It clearly isn't healthy that I continue to hold all of this in. I never do good with uncertainty. Ethan drops his forehead to mine.
“Dollface, you have to stop telling me you’re fine. I’m trying to not steamroll you, but my control is slipping.”
I pull back, looking at his pained expression. His handsome face is lined with worry.
“Can you give us a minute?” I ask my friends, who are all watching Ethan and me.
“You sure you’re good?” Mia asks.
“I’m fine. I just need to be alone with Ethan.” The girls nod in understanding.
“We love you,” Kim says as she ushers everyone out. The door falls closed behind them.
“Dollface. I love you, too. You know that, right? I’ve been trying to show you. Whatever is going on—and I know something is going on—I’ll take care of it.”
I close my eyes, taking his words in. “It’s not enough. I need more.” I use his own words from that day in the office.
“I’ll give you anything,” he vows.
“You’ve already given me so much.” He has no idea.
“I promise there is more. You already have all of me but I’m going to make you my wife, the mother of my children. Give you the sweetest life I can. I’m going to make up for all the shit this world gave to you in the past.” His hands drop from my face, going to my hips. He turns, sitting down on the sofa with me in his lap.
“You flinched at the mention of kids.”
“Did I? I didn’t notice. Amelia, we can get to that one day. I’m not going to pressure you for children.”
I shift in his lap so I’m straddling him. “But you want them?”
“Before you? I wasn’t sure. I hadn’t found a woman that even sparked my interest. Then there you were, making me want everything.”
I lick my lips, wanting to hear more.
“So now you do want them.” He pretty much said that already but I want the words.
“You know why I was at the club that night?”
“Your brother owns it.”
Ethan lets out a small laugh. We both are shameless about digging into the other. I stole his ID and got my best friend's rich husband to dig up all he could on Ethan. He, on the other hand, was busy breaking into my apartment and God knows what else he’s done, but he sure knows a heck of a lot about me. Again, that doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I guess because I would do the same.
“He does but I don’t hang out at them. I’d gone to talk to him.”
“I was sure you were a bartender.”
“My brother was late and I was lending a hand. We were supposed to have a meeting. I wanted to talk to him about slowing down. I could see the path he was heading down. He is work-obsessed. I didn’t want that for him.”
“What do you want for him?” I think I have a feeling of what he’s going to say. I was with Kim when I was trying to get Mia out there dating. I wanted her to find love and happiness. Who doesn't want that for someone they love? But then you find that you’re not looking for that for yourself.
“To be happy. Wife and kids. Someone that would make him smile and not be consumed by work.”