“Yep, no sex for you before you commit young lady. We’re both taking a vow of chastity or celibacy or whatever and we don’t care what the others think. Oh, and before you come up with any of your usual bullshit reasons, no this has nothing to do with your weight or any such crap. This is just something that I’ve always wanted. It’s important to me.”
“You’re strange you know that? Are you a virgin?” She was staring me dead in the face. Shit. “No, I’ve had sex before.” She started to pull away. “Hey come back here.” I pulled her back to my chest and wrapped my arms around her.
“I had sex long before I met you. I’m sorry I didn’t know you before this happened, but it did. And although I’ve had intercourse with someone or more than one someone that I’ll probably never see again, I can’t wait to see what making love feels like, with you.” I squeezed her and kissed her forehead. Of course my body reacted to her nearness but I ignored it, for now.
“Don’t pout Red. I can’t undo what was done in the past, but I can promise you that all my other firsts will be yours. Can that be enough for you?” She pulled back and looked at me for the longest time without saying a word and I begun to sweat.
“I guess you’re right, but I don’t have to like it.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” I knew she was gonna make me sweat over something.
“So, do you still talk to any of those girls?” My poor baby, I guess it’s going to take some doing for her to realize she has nothing to worry about on that score.
It’s hard to remember that beneath all her bravado, I’d seen through to the real her, the sometimes insecure little beauty who was always waiting for the knockdown. After today though she’d never have to worry about that shit. Any of these pampered assholes mess with her and they’ll have to answer to me.
“Nope, and I have no interest either.”
“What if what you say you feel for me is no different than what you once felt for them? What if this time next year you’ve lost that feeling?”
“I’m not sure about a lot of things babe, but I’m pretty sure that’s not gonna happen. I give you my word in that.” I tasted her lips to reassure her, but there was no way for me to give her that guarantee. “Hey, what about if you change your mind? You do know that’s a possibility right?”
I hated that she felt because she wasn’t stick thin that she was any less likely to find love than anyone else. I’m gonna have to show her I guess. And I was more than ready to do that.
I wonder what she’d say if I told her that that was the main attraction for me, the fact that she wasn’t obsessed with her body, or starving herself to fit in. I guess I’m part of a dying breed. I love her curves that make me crazy, and have me second-guessing my decision not to make a move on her sexually until we’re committed.
“What if I don’t want to wait?” She gave me her cocky grin, eyes bright and those freckles of hers begging to be kissed. She was also more relaxed now than when we started and I was able to breathe easy again. And hey, she didn’t shoot me down, which had been a huge possibility with Ms. Prickly.
“Too bad! Not to worry, I’ll take care of you. There’re ways to make you feel good without taking your cherry. We’ll explore each and every one of them until we’re ready to commit to each other. Your face is matching your hair Red.” She clapped her hands over her cheeks and looked mortified, which sent me into fits of laughter.
It felt good to get that out of the way. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if she’d held my past stupidity against me, though I was sure I wouldn’t have given up without a fight. I’m glad she’s not gonna put me through the wringer. That leaves the way open for me to court her properly. The way she deserves.
I can’t wait to spoil her. To show her that she deserved all those things she didn’t know I know she thought she didn’t. Before long, I’m gonna teach her to see herself the way I do. Perfectly beautiful!
I don’t know what it was about her, but even when I’d been attracted before it had never been like this, never this strong and all consuming. It was going to be a trial to see how long I can hold to my ideals. But the idea of waiting was as much for her as it was for me.
I’d had a little talk with mom when she’d come into my room the way she still does at the end of the night like I’m a two year old.
While she was sitting on the edge of my bed running her hand through my hair and asking me about my day, I was asking her questions about her and dad’s relationship, the way it had been in the beginning.
I knew a little bit of their story, but had never asked for the minute details before. I never really wanted to know until now. The one thing that stood out for me was the way she said it made her feel when dad placed the cheap ring on her finger as a promise of things to come.
It was amazing to see my mom in that light, as the young bubbly girl with stars in her eyes. The same stars that were there when she retold the story of young love.
I want that for Red. I want her to look back on us with that same fervor. I want someone, no not someone, my Red to love me the way my mom loves my dad even all these years later.