“Oh hello you must be the tutor come in come in.” I’d only ever seen Shane’s mom on the big screen and maybe a handful of times around town.
I don’t think she spent much time here anymore, but was always rumored to be on some billionaire’s yacht or on the Riviera somewhere.
I know this of course because I’ve been pathetically obsessed with her only son for many years now and kept tabs on him and his family for any scrap of information I could get.
She was beautiful, the type of beauty they used to rave about in the old days; think Marilyn and Ava. She smiled but there was something beneath it, something that I’d seen more than enough of to recognize it by now. Dammit.
The lady might be a top list actress, but I went to the school of Belle, I can spot a fake at ten paces.
“Wait right in there, I’ll go get my son.” She pointed to an actual to goodness waiting room.
I was afraid to touch and or break anything, so I decided to stay standing right inside the doorway. Maybe that’s why I heard everything she said.
Every word pierced deeper than the last and it was high school last year all over again. Only this time my shortcomings were being paraded front and center before the object of my obsession.
***
“So, I’ve heard from Missy Fielding that you and Liz are taking a break from each other, how come I haven’t heard about this? And what’s this I hear about you and your little tutor?
I know I don’t have to remind you of how this town works. Everything depends on your contacts, and getting close to a teacher’s daughter is not going to do anything for your future prospects; especially not a fat nobody. ”
I felt about two feet tall, mortified down to my toes that I had taken my time and painted just for the occasion.
I wondered if she knew I could hear her, or if maybe that was the whole point. Somehow coming from her, the words stung even more than at any other time.
“Delilah, I think you should quit while you’re behind.” That was Shane’s voice and he sounded pissed. I heard a door slam and then footsteps coming towards me, but I was too hurt to move.
Shane came around the corner just then. I couldn’t tell from the set of his face if he was angry or embarrassed.
“I can come back another time if now’s not a good time.” I held onto my pride and kept the tears out of my voice, though the words were barely above a whisper. Even I could hear the pain in my own words.
“No, you’re staying here.” He took my hand and marched out of the room, past his mother who was smiling like the cat that ate the canary. It was a very ugly look for a beautiful face.
“I guess you heard what she said.” He didn’t stop walking or even looked back as he pulled me along behind him; I’d already ascertained that the dashing Mr. Dumas was pissed.
I didn’t answer him but followed him to his room upstairs. Her little conversation with her son had killed the whole day for me.
I had been looking forward to seeing another side of him, a more personal side to this boy that I was more than halfway in love with.
I had been looking forward to it since the moment he suggested meeting here. My head was already full of the things that I was going to discover, new fodder to feed my needy heart.
Now there was a lump in my throat and a pain in my heart. It figures that Sian was sporting a rock the size of Gibraltar and even Belle, my best friend forever, looked like she might be getting serious about Jared. Everyone was finding their happiness but me.
I got my books out and my second hand laptop and got down to work. I was hurt, embarrassed, but surprisingly for me, a little pissed as well.
I was getting tired of being judged because I wasn’t a perfect size two. I did a study last year on the accelerated number of teenage deaths due to eating disorders.
The sad thing was that most of the people in this town would still do it regardless of the risk to their health, because outward appearance was everything.
“Tammy are you sure you’re okay?” I hadn’t said more than two words since we started, just turned to the page and started reading.
“I’m okay thanks.”
“Do you want something to drink, or a snack?”
After everything she’d just said I wasn’t sure I’d ever eat again. Was he making fun? One quick look didn’t show any malice on his face, just concern, but I only allowed myself that one quick peek before looking back down at my book.
“No thanks Shane, I don’t feel so good, maybe we should do this some other time...”
He grabbed my hand when I started to get up from my chair. “No, don’t do this shit again. For a whole damn year I watched you do this shit, now you’ve finally crawled out of that shell and I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose you again.”
“Lose me, a whole year, what...” my heart had stopped beating the second he took my hand, and now it was all I could do to keep up with what he was saying.
“Yes Tammy; why do you think I suddenly needed a damn tutor after acing my classes the whole time I was here? Coach doesn’t let us play unless we’re passing Tammy everybody knows that. I haven’t missed a game all last season and school just started, put that shit together.”
“You mean you...” I don’t think the heart was meant to go through such ups and downs so close together, it felt like there was some serious damage being done in there today.
“Yes, I faked it so that I could get close to you. If this is about my mom forget it; she can’t help what she is but you need to stop letting what other people think fuck with your head.