an hear you gagging and swearing me to silence on all things Jesse’s-lips-related as I write this.
* * *
But I think you’d be laughing too.
* * *
At least, I hope you would be.
* * *
I hope you’d be happy for me and wouldn’t mind that I added something unexpected to your “something new” challenge.
* * *
You were so right, Claire. I needed this.
* * *
I needed a shove out of my comfort zone. I was so scared of that list at first, but now it feels right. And so does kissing Jesse, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to more-than-kiss Jesse the first chance I get.
* * *
But don’t worry. It’s just a friends-with-benefits thing. No one’s heart is going to get broken. We wouldn’t do that to each other. We need each other too much.
* * *
We need each other to hold on to you. There are too many memories to carry in one brain. One heart.
* * *
I miss you so much, my soul sister. I wish you were here to give me your blessing. I wish you were here . . . period.
* * *
Missing you and loving you and always will,
* * *
Ruby
* * *
I finish the letter and sit back in my desk chair, tears stinging my eyes.
But I don’t cry. I let the wave of sadness and anger wash through me.
I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to think of Claire without getting pissed off that so much of her life was stolen from her, from me, from everyone who loved her.
Then, I let the melancholy flow away.
I hold on to the love I feel when I remember the way Claire and I were together. The way we shared everything. Deep down, I know she wouldn’t mind me sharing the details about her brother with her, though she would absolutely insist I kept all the smutty information to myself.
Smutty . . .
With a grin reserved for girl time and girl talk, I reach for a framed photo of the two of us. A cell phone shot, naturally, the two of us peering into our room at the allegedly haunted bed-and-breakfast. We both have our eyebrows raised, looking skeptical, giving our best no way are there ghosts here look at the creepy room.
Sometimes looking at this photo makes me ache. Tonight, I choose to smile.