Gigi: At your service! What would you like?
A. A swimsuit guaranteed to make your breasts perky and your stomach flat?
B. A pair of skinny jeans to emphasize that bootilicious backside of yours?
C. To go shopping with your favorite cousin?
Please say C please. Please say C. Please say C.
* * *
After that kind of masterful begging, I fully intend to take pity on her.
But not immediately.
* * *
Ruby: Hmmm . . . well, that swimsuit sounds amazing. But borrowing it would mean I’d have to go swimming, and you know how I feel about bodies of water over two-feet deep. And I’m in the market for something slinkier than jeans.
* * *
Gigi: Then C is your only hope! Let’s go shopping.
* * *
She sends back approximately a million excited GIFs—the cast of Seinfeld dancing and screaming, Kermit the Frog cheering on a desk, and some random guy doing a happy punching dance in the cereal aisle in his tighty-whiteys.
And on and on . . .
As I wait for the explosion of GIFs to slow, I pop over to the text from my mom.
* * *
Mom: Dinner last night was so much fun! Here’s the pic the waiter took for us. Is it coming through? I can’t see it on my end. Do you see it? Is my phone broken? Will I ever learn to use this stupid thing before your dad makes me upgrade again next year?
* * *
Ruby: You ask a lot of REALLY good questions, LOL. And yes, I can see it. It’s so cute! Thanks, Mom. And thanks for dinner.
* * *
Mom: No problemo, baby. Maybe next time we’ll do just the two of us. Have some girl talk.
* * *
Ruby: I’d love that. What are you up to on your first day of vacation?
* * *
Mom: Oh! I’m working on a new crumble topping. I know I swore I tweaked the recipe perfectly last summer, but this year, I’m really bringing the thunder. This crumble is going to tear the house down when we ship out the caramel apple pies this fall!
* * *
Ruby: So, you’re working while not working? Sounds like you. Speaking of girl talk, gotta go. I think Gigi has finally stopped GIF-bombing me so I can read where I’m meeting her.
* * *
Mom: GIF-bombing? *groans* Is that another phone thing? Please tell me I don’t need to learn how to do it.