Woodenly, I erupt with, “Nookie.”
Graham stares at me, his eyes wide and unreadable for one beat—two, three—while my heart crawls into my throat and puffs up like a blowfish.
Oh God, I’ve ruined everything. He’s going to tell me I’m insane. He’s going to tell me that the thought of me in a sexual situation makes him nauseous, and I’m going to feel like a fool for every single flirty thing I said to him. I never should have led with the long and hard bit. I shouldn’t have tried to make this funny or cute—I should have just laid out my proposal with a calm voice and a level head, ensuring I could walk away with my chin up if he said “no, thanks.”
I expect him to bolt for the door any second.
Instead, he puts his glass down, hitting the edge of the table and sloshing water onto the gravel beside us, earning a dirty look from the busgirl tidying up at a nearby table.
He clears his throat as he rights the glass, pulling at the collar of his shirt. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I said ‘nookie,’” I repeat, my cheeks still burning. “But, you know, use your own word. I’m open.”
“You’re open,” he echoes, still sounding vaguely strangled, though he’s unbuttoned the top button on his shirt. “Open to what exactly?”
“Graham, I’m twenty-five, and I spend most nights at home watching television or at the gym riding a bike that’s going nowhere,” I confess, embarrassed, though this isn’t news to him. He knows I’m practically a nun. He teases me about it often enough. “I want more than that. I want an adult relationship, but other adults don’t want me.”
“You’re crazy. I—”
“I’m not crazy. I’m inexperienced, and the real grown-ups can sense that, and it scares them away. That leaves me with the weird candle guys and the losers looking for a meaningless hookup.” He starts to interrupt me, but I barrel on. “I want more than that. But I don’t have the skills to seal the deal, and at this rate, I’m never going to get them unless I go to drastic measures to catch up. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I think so.” A flush creeps up Graham’s neck as he shakes his head. “But you can’t seriously be saying you want me to . . .”
His gaze drops to my breasts again, lingering long enough on the place where my dress gives way to skin that it gives me the strength to nod and murmur, “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
He swallows hard, looking over one shoulder and then the other before turning back to me with a harsh whisper, “Sean would cut my dick off. Not to mention the fact that you and I—” He motions between us with a swift jerk of his hand. “We’re friends, CJ. Just friends. I don’t think of you like that.”
“And that’s fine,” I say, forcing a smile. “You don’t have to think of me as anything but a friend. And a student. I’ll be a good student, I promise. I’m a fast learner. Especially when I’m invested in the subject matter.”
Graham’s eyes lift to the blue sky overhead as he mumbles something that sounds like a prayer for strength.
I sigh, my hope fading. But this is my one shot at getting what I need from the only man left in the world I trust, and I’m not going to give up so easily. Just because I’m a virgin, doesn’t mean I’m inexperienced in other areas, like speaking my mind or campaigning for my goals. And, like a good businesswoman, I plan on keeping this deal with Graham on the transactional level. Sure, I
’ve lusted after the man. He’s as handsome as anything, and a total softie beneath his occasionally gruff exterior.
None of that matters in this situation, however. I’m focused, determined, and completely able to separate my heart from my head, just like I have to do at work when juggling my roles as friend and boss.
That’s what I’ll do if he says yes.
I must convince him to say yes.
“Graham, I’m sick of feeling like a fish on a bicycle every time I’m in mixed company. Sure, men check me out, but as soon as they realize I have no idea how to flirt, let alone anything else, their interest fades pretty quickly.” I keep my head up, refusing to feel ashamed. “For once, I want to feel sexy. Like I know what I want and I know how to get it. I thought you, of all people, would understand that.”
Graham sighs. “CJ, you’re an intelligent, successful woman. And you’re a fucking knockout.”
He thinks I’m a knockout? He’s never said anything like that before. Never. Not even last New Year’s Eve when I wore my red cleavage dress to the Adored holiday party.
“You could have any man you want,” he continues, proving he hasn’t been listening. “You don’t need me. And you don’t want me, trust me.”
With my eyes fixed on his, I lean in until our faces are only a few inches apart, and I play my ace. “But I do want you, Graham. I’ve heard the rumors. You may not be aware of it, but your ex-girlfriends talk. A lot. And they have nothing but good things to say.” I pause, arching a meaningful brow. “About everything.”
His eyes glitter. “I’m far from the only man in the city with that kind of reputation.”
“True. But you’re the only one who’s my friend.” I lace my fingers together as I add, “I trust you, Graham. I know you won’t hurt me or take advantage of me or make me feel like a fool if I don’t get it all right straight out of the gate. You’re the only one I can ask a favor like this.”
He frowns, but I can see him weakening. “What exactly are we talking about? What do you want me to teach you?”
“Well, the exact lesson plan is up to you.” I shrug one shoulder, playing it casual so I won’t scare him away. “But I would like it to be thorough. I want to be well-versed in all areas.”