I nod, nerves and breathless excitement flaring behind my ribs, making it feel like a balloon is inflating in my chest. But before I can give verbal confirmation that yes, I’m ready, all ready, so ready, the server arrives with food and share plates. So much food. Delicious, incredible food.
But I can barely taste it.
I can’t focus on the rich, yet delicate cream sauce or the perfectly firm pillows of smoky mozzarella. I am only partially present for my conversation with Graham about Luna, his best friend from grad school who is preparing to launch a new fleet of food trucks in the financial district, or our discussion of why Birreria’s tiramisu is superior to all others in the city.
All I can think about is that tonight is the night. In an hour, maybe less, I will know things that I’ve never known, and I will never be the same. And Graham will be there, and he will forever be a part of this story, this decision, this transition from one stage of my life to the next.
And yes, it’s a little scary. But it’s also right. Because I’m ready.
Chapter Eighteen
Graham
Handle with care.
That’s what I keep telling myself during the car ride to my place.
Be gentle.
Take it slow.
But when she kisses me like this, all lips, teeth, and a newly discovered confidence that’s downright addictive, I don’t want to take it slow. I want to slam my lips to hers, tangle my hands in her silky hair, yank her head back, and leave a trail of rough kisses up the gorgeous column of her throat.
I try to slow my pace, but she’s leading now, kissing me hard and relentlessly, almost as if she’s saying over and over I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready.
She might be, but I need a breather for a second.
I press my hands on her shoulders and separate us. “CJ, you’re driving me crazy.”
She nibbles on the corner of her lips. “Isn’t that the goal?”
“Butterfly, you’ve already reached the goal. We need to slow down till we get to my place. I don’t want to hurt you, and right now, you’re kind of making me want to pull you under me and take you right here in the car.”
Mischief sparkles in her eyes. “I thought you were the one who said you won’t break?”
I let out a shaky laugh. “Yes, I remember. But it’s you I’m concerned about.”
“News flash,” she whispers. “I’m not going to break, either. And I really like wild, crazy kissing.”
I close my eyes and groan, my bones humming with pleasure. I glance out the window, grateful for the familiar view of the buildings on my street. The car pulls to the curb, and I thank Gary.
A few minutes later, the elevator doors close, and I press CJ to the wall, returning the favor from the car, kissing her neck, sucking on her jaw, and devouring her lips. This time, she’s the one who groans first.
“Payback,” I tease.
“I want more payback,” she says in a dirty whisper.
I oblige with more ravenous kisses.
She moans my name, and it sounds needy and desperate, and that’s exactly how I want her tonight. Because if she feels that way, then there’s a damn good chance I can make her first time amazing for her.
That’s how I want it to be.
When the doors open, and we walk down the hall, the words handle with care flash again through my mind. But there are new ones, too. Listen to her.
She’s been telling me something.
She doesn’t want to be treated like a box filled with china. She wants me to treat her like the woman she is. And I’m determined to give her exactly what she wants, everything she needs.