I’d loved Darren Trent for a lifetime.
But never so much as now.
“We need to talk,” she said. Her voice was just a whisper. I barely heard her above the chatter around us.
I nodded. “Where?”
She looked around us, at the campers huddled nearby and the thin tarpaulin between us and the girls. I doubted they were even asleep yet, I’d heard giggles from Mia and Daisy less than five minutes back.
She shrugged. “Your tent? Tonya’s here with the girls. We could nip over there…”
I was still too tightly wound, the thought of leaving my stakeout hitting me right in the gut. She took my elbow. “They’ll be fine, Darren. Those lads aren’t even here anymore.”
I didn’t mean to glare at her, but I did. I’d known it was trouble. I knew Mia looked too old, was too made up, was too naive to be out in a crowd full of drunk lads. I should’ve fucking stopped it, should’ve known better.
“Darren,” she prompted. “We’ll be right over there.”
“Alright,” I relented. I drank down the rest of my beer and flashed Buck a look. “You’ll stay with the girls?”
“Aye,” he said. “Won’t be going anywhere.”
From the way he was sitting with Tonya I doubted he would’ve been going anywhere regardless.
I led Jodie through the clusters of tents, her hand on my elbow as I picked out a route. Mine was in the far corner, in the shadow of the truck. I dipped down and unzipped the entrance and Jodie crawled inside. She sat herself down on my sleeping bag, pulled her knees up to her chest.
I zipped the door back up behind me, then flicked on the battery operated lamp at my side. The orange glow made her hair look darker, her eyes too.
I waited for her to speak.
“They told the lads they were older. Daisy apparently. Told them they were sixteen, and had a bit of beer with them. I really don’t think they knew what they were playing with. They didn’t mean any harm…”
“Why the fuck would she do that?”
Jodie shrugged. “I guess she wanted to seem cool. She’s a teenage girl, Darren. I probably would’ve done the same myself at her age.”
“She’s twelve,” I said. “She’s not a fucking teenager, Jo.”
“Daisy is. Daisy turned thirteen last month.”
“This doesn’t happen again, Jodie, I mean it. No wandering off on her own, no more pulling shit like this.” I felt the fear again, the horrible fucking panic at hearing Mia scream. “What if I hadn’t been there?”
Her eyes met mine. “You were there.”
“Yeah, but what if…” My voice trailed off.
“You’ll always be there, Darren. You’re her dad.”
The fear exploded, and words came with it. “But I’m not there, am I? I won’t know where she is every night. I won’t know when she’s off with Daisy and what time she’s gonna be back, I won’t be waiting at home when she first takes the bus into town alone, I won’t be waiting for her to get back in a taxi when she’s gone out to a club when she’s barely legal.”
“But I’ll… you’ll know… I’ll tell you…”
“How? Real-time fucking text updates? A nightly fucking phone call? How, Jo?”
She put her head in her hands. “If that’s what you want, Darren. I’ll call you ten times a day if that’s what you want.”
That’s not what I want. I want to be THERE.
I unzipped the door enough to light up a cigarette, and caught her staring at my knuckles.
“How’s your hand?”
I shrugged. “Alright.”
“Doesn’t look alright.”
I held it under the light, swollen knuckles. I’d had worse. I told her as much.
She sighed. “This isn’t how I wanted things to pan out.”
“What do you mean?”
She wouldn’t look at me. “I hoped we’d… talk… I had so much to say, but now…” She slapped her knees, dismissing the whole thing.
“Now what?”
“Now you’re angry, and I don’t know what to say anymore.”
“I’m not angry,” I said. “I’m just pissed off, Jo. Pissed off that those assholes had hold of our fucking daughter. Pissed off she lied, pissed off she was stupid, pissed off I didn’t stop her going.”
“And me? Are you pissed off at me, too? I said she could go, Darren. Do you not think I feel like shit, too? Do you not think I know this is my fault?”
I stared at her. “I’m not pissed off at you. I get it, I get you have to let her do this shit, I get she has to be allowed to be her own person.”
“So what now?”
I shrugged. “I don’t fucking know. She’s grounded for-fucking-ever, then there’ll be no fucking lads trying their luck, will there? She can be a fucking nun, Jodie, we’ll book her into the fucking convent when we’re at work, just so no pricks can come calling when we’re out.”
She smiled and tried to hide it, covered her mouth with her hand.