I cleared my throat, ignored the paranoia in my belly. “They were doing real work earlier when I went down there. Plenty of cars booked in. Maybe you just caught him on a busy day?”
Real work apart from Porsche-bitch.
The thought of a string of women down there made me feel queasy.
She scoffed, pulled a face. “That’s what he tells you, is it? Open your eyes, Jodie. The guy’s a fucking loser.”
“He doesn’t tell me anything, that’s just what I saw for myself.”
“He’s fucked at least twenty of our regulars, I’ve heard all the gory details. He’s putting it about like he’s some kind of fucking porn star, doesn’t have any regard for safe sex either, from what I’ve heard. You know, Mandy Taylor says he…”
I really didn’t want to hear what Mandy Taylor had to say about anything.
I held up a hand. “I appreciate your concern, Lorraine, really I do, but Darren and I have to sort through this crap for ourselves. I’d rather find out the score from him than worry about what big-mouth Mandy has to say. She’s hardly reliable.”
Her eyes were so angry. “And Trent is?”
I met her glare. “He’s not a liar, Lorraine. If I ask him, he’ll tell me.”
She scoffed at me. “And you’re going to ask him, are you?”
“We’ll need to talk about it at some point.”
“And then what?!”
“I don’t know…” I said.
She grabbed a cloth, started wiping the counter vigorously. “I thought better of you than to consider getting back with a loser like him, Jodie, for the girls’ sake if not for your own.”
I had nothing to say, and it felt like shit. The whole thing felt terrible.
She didn’t ease up with the torrent. “You may think it’s noble to get back with the father of your children but believe me it’s not. Not if their father is a total waste of space like Trent. He’s fucking everyone in the village, Jodie, at least have a little respect for yourself.”
“I’m not trying to be noble, Lorraine.”
“Just as well, Jo, because you’re falling way short.”
I remembered all the times I’d cried on her shoulder when I first left him, how strong she’d been for me. I remembered all the times she’d told me to stand firm, for the girls and for myself, how we deserved better, how we deserved more…
“I know you don’t like him, Lorraine, I know that.” But I do. “I know things were bad before we split, I know you were there for me…”
“Doesn’t seem to matter, though, does it? You’re still chasing round after the waste of space all these years later.”
“Lorraine… I just…” I love him.
The bell above the door tinged as a gaggle of school mums came in. I breathed in relief.
I willed them to order everything on the menu, just to keep us busy through to the end of my shift, but they wanted coffees and nothing else. I kept my distance from Lorraine, nursing my own frazzled spirit.
Up and down, up and down, up and down.
I was all churned up, sick to the stomach at the thought of him fucking someone else, yet still high at the sensation of him taking me, wanting me, staying last night when he would have usually run…
The high of loving him, the low of knowing he was giving out to anyone who was paying… the high of another chance at the love we lost, the low of knowing he’d loved another after me… more than me…
The ring still in the drawer.
The way he looked at me. The way he touched me. The way Darren Trent made me feel so alive.
The way he loved our girls. The way he’d defended Mia. The way he was there.
Mandy fucking Taylor.
I watched the clock. Only an hour until closing, but the minutes seemed to take hours. I scrubbed down tables to keep out of Lorraine’s way, hoping she wouldn’t try and pick up the cruddy conversation where we left off.
I was rearranging condiments when a car horn sounded outside. I stepped to the window and looked out at the street, expecting some kind of tractor-related traffic queue, but instead the big silver Audi swung into the carpark and stopped in front of the cafe doors. The horn sounded again, and I couldn’t help but grin at the sight of my girls in the backseat, Nanna sitting between them with her pink silk headscarf knotted tight under her chin. This wasn’t the weather for the roof down, not really, but they were clearly loving it. All of them.
Ruby saw me and pointed, said something to Darren, and they all waved. He beeped the horn again and beckoned me outside.
“What are you doing?” I called from the doorway.
“Taking the car for a spin,” Darren shouted. “Room for one more.” He patted the empty passenger seat.
“Come on, Mum!” Ruby shouted. “We’re going to the mountains! Like on Top Gear!”