I smiled. “It’s alright, I could do with a glass.” Or ten. “Thank you.”
He made light work of the cork, pouring me a large one into a glass that used to be ours. He grabbed a beer, and there we stood, smiling polite smiles as though this wasn’t awkward in the slightest.
It was really fucking awkward.
I had prickles on the back of my neck, burning up so hot that I’m sure I was sweating. The room seemed airless and the wine didn’t do shit for my dry mouth.
“We should go through,” he said, and my eyes widened. “To the living room,” he added. He pointed to my feet. “They can’t be bloody comfortable, Jo.”
They weren’t. They weren’t at all.
Darren flopped into his usual seat at the far end of the sofa, and I perched on the opposite side. I kicked off my heels and rubbed my feet, not sure exactly what I should be doing. All my intentions of throwing him against the wall and ripping his clothes off had well and truly been demoted to fantasy.
I felt like a bloody virgin again.
His stare was on me, his eyes not letting up as he downed his beer. “Girls alright?”
“Girls are fine,” I said. “Mia showed off a bit, wanted to Skype Daisy all night long, you know what she’s like. Ruby not so bad, think she was tired to be honest, it’s the only time she isn’t full of backchat.”
He smiled. “Yeah, she’s full of it.”
“Yeah, she is.”
Cue another awkward polite smile-athon.
My heart lurched as he rested his beer can on the floor and moved a little closer. “Look, Jodie, if this is weird for you, we don’t have to do this…”
“It’s not weird,” I bluffed. “Not at all.”
Please don’t stop this. Please don’t. I felt the beginnings of panic, my heartrate kicking up a hefty notch.
“Don’t feel… pressured, like.”
“I don’t!” I said. “Christ, Darren, I’m totally down for this.” I flicked my hair but it felt ridiculous. “I feel great.”
He gestured to my white knuckles as they death-gripped my wine glass stem. “You’re gonna fucking break that if you squeeze any tighter.” He sniggered to himself. “Doubt I’ll be moaning about that later, mind.”
I seized the moment, mustering every scrap of bravado for an epic sex-kitten move.
I downed my wine and placed the glass at my feet, then – in the most sexy way I knew how – I wiggled my way out of my tunic to reveal the lacy brilliance of the babydoll underneath. I still had my jeans on, but the babydoll showed enough – the swell of my tits in the push-up cups, the pale of my tummy under the gauzy fabric.
My tummy. I was sitting down. Shit, did my belly look flabby? I looked down in panic, sucked my breath in.
When my eyes met his again all I registered there was shock. He stared at me, eyes wide, and didn’t say a word.
I guessed my stripper act fell quite short. Seriously fucking short.
Embarrassment burned like a bitch.
“Wow,” he said, but he was still gawping, still totally taken aback. “That’s…”
Stupid. Ridiculous.
Totally non-sexy.
“That’s…” he attempted again, but I was done.
This was a terrible idea poorly executed.
“Forget it,” I said, grateful for the warmth of the wine in my belly. I pulled on my top in a jiffy and yanked it down over my jeans. I reached for my bag and shoved my feet back in those stupid heels. “I’ll go.” I got to my feet. “This was silly. I’m silly.” I headed for the door. “Sorry, Darren, this was… I was stupid… as if I could ever be like them.”
“Wait,” he said, but I carried on regardless.
I unlocked the catch and yanked the door open. “I’ll drop you a text tomorrow, about the girls… I think Ruby wants to head over, I think she wants to…”
I stopped dead as I felt the heat of him at my back. He reached an arm over my head, pushed the door closed again. The click of the latch was loud.
“Wait,” he said, and his voice was low. The sound gave me shivers, made my clit tingle. He brushed the hair from my neck. “You’re not stupid, Jo,” he said. “You’ve never been fucking stupid.”
“I’m…”
“Nervous,” he finished. “Yeah, well, I guess I am too.”
The thought seemed absurd. Darren doesn’t do nervous.
His hands on my shoulders turned me slowly. I could hardly breathe as I came to face him. He was so close.
He didn’t speak, didn’t utter a sound as his hands came up and tangled in my hair. I knew this move. Oh fuck, I knew it so well. His thumbs moved to brush my cheeks and rested there. He held my face in the exact same way he used to do, his palms rough against my skin. So familiar, yet not. They were much rougher than they used to be.