Her voice broke on that last word and she cursed herself.
“I won’t beg you to start living again,” she told him as she went back to retrieve the binders. “
If you want to live like this forever, then go ahead. But don’t look for me to be an enabler, because I think you’re being selfish. Do you see me sitting around feeling sorry for myself because I have issues from that night? You have no idea what I lost. No idea. I had plans, Zach, and they were instantly taken from me. But I don’t focus on all of that or place blame. I’ve learned to live with the life I have, the cards I’ve been dealt, because otherwise I’d never make it.”
She stormed back to the door and jerked it open as tears threatened to spill. “So don’t worry about your emotional battle over me. I assure you I won’t come around again without Braxton or Liam as a buffer.”
She slammed his door, feeling like a fool and hating herself for being so open and harsh with him. But damn it, the man was infuriating and she wanted to shake him. Then she wanted to kiss him.
And that was the crux of her problem. No matter how frustrating and hardheaded he was, no matter this guilt he kept wrapping himself in, Sophie still wanted to be the one to uncover all of those layers and help Zach heal.
Since when had she become a masochist?
Chapter Nine
Later that day, he’d left the binders on her porch and run away like a child afraid of getting caught. So what if her words had been dead-on? So what if she had him pegged in ways he hadn’t even considered?
Sophie was his light. Whether he would ever admit the truth aloud or not, she was the light pulling him back into the world he’d so desperately wanted to escape. Concentrating on work, focusing on the grief and self-imprisonment had been his go-to since getting out.
Not long after he’d been released, his parents had passed, leaving him even more angry and bitter with the world. Yet Chelsea and Sophie continued on. Both women were important to his life, both women found ways to move past their individual hurt and continue to thrive.
Thrive. Zach sat on the floor in his utility room and fed the runt of the litter from a bottle as he had that afternoon. He honestly didn’t know if there was ever a time in his life when he’d actually thrived.
As a child he’d been in a less-than-stellar environment, thrust into ugly, horrendous situations no child should ever endure. Once he came to the Monroes, the damage had been done, but they’d loved him anyway.
Then he’d gone and gotten all cocky when he’d finally confessed to himself that he had a thing for Sophie. He’d shown off at that party, and when Liam had argued Zach wasn’t in any shape to drive, he’d wagered a bet that he was.
A damn bet. A bet that changed so much in so many lives, all because Zach’s ego had taken center stage to common sense.
His cell vibrated in his pocket, but he ignored it. There wasn’t anybody he wanted to talk to, and he highly doubted this would be work-related on a Saturday night.
Focusing on the pups, Zach wondered who would want to adopt these little fur balls. Marcie had said they wouldn’t be ready to go for several weeks. How the hell did Zach keep a houseful of dogs when he was trying to finalize his own renovating so he could put the place up for sale?
And he was definitely selling. No question about it. He’d done some of the initial number crunching, and there was no way he could move forward with the Sunset Lake property if he didn’t sell this house first. He needed that chunk of money, plus a loan from the bank to fully dig into all of the updating that mansion needed.
Zach smiled. Despite this mess and the uncertainty that awaited him, he couldn’t help but smile at Chelsea and her larger-than-life dream. She might have been spontaneous, but she never did anything halfway.
After Zach finished feeding the runt, he refilled the water bowls, let the mom outside to do her business, and put fresh newspaper down for the puppies . . . not that they were making use of it other than to shred it to pieces. But perhaps they’d get the hang of using it for their bodily deposits as opposed to leaving little surprises on the freshly tiled floor.
Zach’s stomach growled and he realized he hadn’t eaten since his early lunch. He’d been preoccupied with the dogs, his overly blatant neighbor, and then Sophie.
The dogs he would have to deal with until he could find them good homes. The neighbor . . . hadn’t he pawned her off onto his trusted employee, Nathan?
And Sophie. Zach sighed. There was no easy answer when it came to her. Even thinking her name flooded him with a multitude of emotions.
Yes, he used the accident as a wedge to keep his distance, especially from her. Even if he could get beyond the fact that he’d altered her life, he couldn’t give in to his selfish desires and tell her how he truly felt. The ugliness that lived in his past was a part of him. He came from parents who were full of evil, and no way would he ever risk passing that on to a child. And he had no doubt Sophie would want children. She’d be the perfect mother.
Zach rested his palms on the island in his kitchen and dropped his head. What the hell? How did his thoughts instantly go to Sophie and children? Yes, he’d wanted her for years and had briefly lost his mind and wanted to see if they could be more than friends, but with the accident, the prison, and life standing in his way, Zach had circled back around to the realization that she needed someone who wouldn’t taint her life.
One day Sophie would meet a man who was worthy of her, they’d marry and start a family. And when that time came, Zach would have to leave Haven, because seeing Sophie with another man would absolutely kill him.
Seeing her around with Martin was bad enough, but Zach knew Sophie wasn’t in love with him. She wouldn’t have kissed Zach with so much passion if she loved another man.
“What the hell?”
Zach jerked around at Braxton’s cursing and the slam of the side door in the utility room.
“Don’t bother them. They’re down for the night,” Zach called back. The last thing he wanted was for those puppies to be disturbed again, because last night had nearly done him in. They’d yipped and made noises all night. But he couldn’t be angry, because they were too damn cute. Even when they yawned in his face, that sweet puppy breath got to him.