“Just needs salt and pepper,” I speak absently and then taste my part of tonight’s dinner. Groaning, I let my eyes roll back and announce, “It’s so fucking good.”
Madox only chuckles at me. “There isn’t going to be any left by the time the quesadillas are done.”
“So be it,” I tell him and go in for another bite.
“I love doing this with you,” he says.
“I love it too, it’s nice to cook together. Date nights are fun too, though,” I add, slipping the spoon into my mouth and taking another bite.
“You really can’t help yourself, can you?”
I pout. “You don’t understand. It all tastes so freaking good.”
He laughs a little harder, kissing my jaw and I steal a kiss from his lips.
“You’re adorable when you’re pregnant, you know that?” he says softly, lowly, and all the while looking at me in that way… the way that makes me feel like he can see everything I am inside and that he loves me still. Even the bad pieces, the parts that are jagged and don’t work quite right.
I bite down on my bottom lip and take a deep breath as I ask, “About that wedding-slash-baby shower…”
“What about them?” he asks, moving his attention back to the chicken and onion mixture he’s been working on.
“I don’t really think we need a big wedding, so maybe we can just do something quick?” I suggest. “Just something small, same with the shower.”
“For the wedding,” Madox starts before I can explain myself, “it can be whatever you want it to be. And if you change your mind later, we’ll have another. I want it to be whatever you want it to be.” His words melt me, literally. I have to lean back against the counter.
“I was worried to tell you.”
“Don’t be. To tell me anything ever.” He leans closer to me, giving me a kiss but he stands upright too soon. I wasn’t ready for that kiss to be done.
“But I am a little worried to tell you…” Madox doesn’t look at me as he talks, he only stirs the cooked onions and seasoning in the bowl instead as he continues, “that Ryan said Brett has plans for your shower–”
“Oh my God! Trish told!” I interrupt him and then cover my mouth with both hands.
“I knew it,” Madox says as he slaps his hand down on the counter.
.I bite down on my lip. Neither of us was supposed to say anything to anyone. Not yet. “I couldn’t help it,” I say and shrug, then go back to the pico that is so fucking delicious. “She’s my best friend. And she’s the one planning the shower.”
Madox grins at me. “You didn’t even keep it a secret for twenty-four hours.”
“What can I say?” I joke teasingly and then move to dip my spoon into a now-empty bowl… whoops. I shrug and let the metal spoon clang against the bowl as I drop it and walk back to Madox. “I’m excited. And I didn’t think Trish would tell.”
“Good news travels fast.”
I smile against his chest as I cling on to him. “It does,” I breathe out and then wonder if I should ask him what Trish asked me. I go for it, not holding back. It’s one of the rules we agreed on together; we don’t hold back what we’re feeling or wondering anymore. It’s such a simple thing, but it’s made all the difference.
“Do you want to invite your mom?” I ask him and hold my breath.
“As long as she’s trying, I’m not going to keep her at a distance.” Even though he answers easily, he stiffens for a moment and then walks to the sink without me.
He has a hard time talking about it, but he has ever since we got back together. Technically ever since she got us back together.
He washes his hands with his head down and I let him have that moment, setting the oven to 350° before walking to the other side of the kitchen where he’s drying his hands and giving him a hug from behind. My cheek rests just below his shoulder, and he’s quick to move his arm around me, pulling me in front of him to kiss my hair. I can feel his warm breath tickling my neck as he tells me he loves me.
“I love you too,” I tell him as he rocks me back and forth just slightly. I love this man more than anything.
“It’s going to be all right.”
“It’s going to be better than all right… if Trish is planning it. If it’s Brett,” I say and roll my eyes jokingly, and the kitchen fills with Madox’s laugh. I love that sound.
“Oh! Real quick, I got you a gift…” I practically run to the chair in the kitchen where I dropped off my purse after work. I’ve been finding my place in Madox’s house and redecorating it slowly. I never did before; I wouldn’t have dared to presume I could. It makes me sad to think back on how I felt about myself back then. It was part of our problem. One of the many problems we had.