“You okay?” she asks me.
“Fine.” My answer is stern. I am fine. I’m her rock. I’ll keep being her rock. That’s what she needs. That’s what I’ll be.
Today
Everyone wants something. It’s fucking constant.
If I had nothing, no one would message me. My inbox would be empty. No one would have to wait for an appointment to sit in the chair across from me.
I know it’s true, because I was there at one point when I took over this failing company and worked tirelessly to bring it back to its former glory and then surpass it. I was only fifteen when my dad died, and eighteen when my mother shoved me into this role. I learned young that nothing comes without a price.
The patter of rain has been a constant all day, hitting the glass wall behind me and lulling me into a false sense of peace.
I keep staring at my phone, noting how only ten minutes pass each time I check. I’m waiting for a text, or an email… something from Sophie. As if she has any reason to want a damn thing from me.
Of everyone who desires a piece of me, or something I have to offer, I just want one of them to be her.
The rap of knuckles at my door breaks my thoughts of what used to be, and I’m grateful for it. Until it opens before I can answer, and Ryan strides into the room.
“So?” Ryan’s smirk is cocky and confident as he settles into the seat across from me, tapping the tips of his fingers, eagerly waiting for details.
“So, what?” I fuck with him, keeping my own smirk in check. “Did you get your notice?”
“Notice?” he asks, and the smirk fades as his lips droop down.
“You’re fucking fired for two reasons.” I keep my voice hard as I lean forward and tell him, “One: You put your manwhore hands on Sophie the other night. Two: You knew she was here, and you didn’t tell me.”
“Oh fuck off, I only knew she was there for a minute more than you. Come on and tell me what happened.” Ryan brushes me off, but I don’t budge. He can suffer for a moment like I did. The exasperated sigh that leaves him is what gets me to show a little humor.
“Tell me what happened,” he presses.
“Lunch with my mother was awful, thanks for asking.”
“That was a given.” Ryan disregards my comment and leans forward to ask, “You and baby girl back to normal?”
No. I know the answer, and simply shake my head, feeling the deadweight sit against my chest as I turn off my computer. I still have hours before dinner, but I’d rather distract myself with Ryan and anything other than work before meeting Sophie tonight.
“We hit it off just like normal, but she’s not …” The back of my throat goes dry, so I pick up my coffee, drinking it black as always.
“She still loves you,” he tells me gently as if that’s what the problem ever was.
“She’s resistant to being with me.” I finally settle on that truth, spacing out the words and letting them sit in the air while Ryan considers them.
He slumps back, letting his back hit the chair and turns his hands up as he says, “She always has been resistant, hasn’t she?” When I don’t answer he adds, “You didn’t think she’d just fall into bed with you and go right back to being what it used to be, did you?”
“You’re the one who said ‘normal,’” I remind him, barely hiding my irritation. He’s never had a stable relationship. He doesn’t mind living vicariously through the only one I’ve ever wanted. She doesn’t want it to be what it used to be. I can’t tell him that part. I’m ashamed of it. I thought it was good. How could I have been so wrong? I thought I was good for her. I thought I was good to her.
“See, I thought you had a stick up your ass the last few years because you hadn’t gotten your dick wet, but here we are, and that stick hasn’t budged.”
“How’d you know?”
“That you guys fucked?” he asks me with a brow cocked and his forehead scrunched. As if it’s an odd question to ask. I just gaze at him coolly and he shrugs.
“She told Trish, who told Brett, who told me about ten minutes ago.”
“Word travels fast.”
Ryan shrugs unapologetically. “It’s been a long time coming… So you got her in bed… and then what?”
“That’s none of anyone’s business.”
“Aw, come on, Brett and Trish only know so much. You’ve got to give me something.” Brett and Trish know too damn much. Trish I can understand, although I’m still pissed she didn’t tell me Sophie was coming back. And Brett needs to mind his own fucking business.