"No. It's a surrender. So that She will help me to make the right decision."
"Who will?"
"The Virgin."
The Virgin! I should have known. I was surprised that all his years of travel, of learning, of new horizons hadn't freed him from the Catholicism of his childhood. In at least this respect, my friends and I had come a long way--we no longer lived under the weight of guilt and sin.
"I'm surprised that after all you've been through, you still keep the faith."
"I haven't kept it. I lost it and recovered it."
"But a faith in virgins? In impossible things and in fantasies? Haven't you had an active sex life?"
"Well, normal. I've been in love with many women."
To my surprise, I felt a stab of jealousy. But my inner battle seemed already to have subsided, and I didn't want to start it up again.
"Why is she 'The Virgin'? Why isn't She presented to us as a normal woman, like any other?"
He drained the few drops remaining in the bottle and asked if I wanted him to go for another. I said no.
"What I want is an answer from you. Every time we start to speak about certain things, you try to talk about something else."
"She was normal. She had already had other children. The Bible tells us that Jesus had two brothers. Virginity, as it relates to Jesus, is based on a different thing: Mary initiated a new generation of grace. A new era began. She is the cosmic bride, Earth, which opens to the heavens and allows itself to be fertilized.
"Because of the courage She showed in accepting her destiny, She allowed God to come down to earth--and She was transformed into the Great Mother."
I didn't understand exactly what he was telling me, and he could see that.
"She is the feminine face of God. She has her own divinity."
He spoke with great emotion; in fact, his words almost sounded forced, as if he felt he was committing a sin.
"A goddess?" I asked.
I waited for him to explain, but he couldn't say anything more. I thought about his Catholicism and about how what he had just said seemed blasphemous.
"Who is the Virgin? What is the Goddess?"
"It's not easy to explain," he said, clearly growing more and more uncomfortable. "I have some written material with me. If you want, you can read it."
"I don't want to read right now; I want you to explain it to me," I insisted.
He looked around for the wine bottle, but it was empty. Neither of us could remember why we had come to the well in the first place. Something important was in the air--as if what he was saying were part of a miracle.
"Go on," I urged him.
"Her symbol is water--like the fog all around us. The Goddess uses water as the means to manifest Herself."
The mist suddenly seeme
d to take on a life of its own, becoming sacred--even though I still didn't understand what he was trying to say.
"I don't want to talk to you about history. If you want to learn about the history, you can read the books I brought with me. But you should know that this woman--the Goddess, the Virgin Mary, the Shechinah, the Great Mother, Isis, Sofia, slave and mistress--is present in every religion on the face of the earth. She has been forgotten, prohibited, and disguised, but Her cult has continued from millennium to millennium and continues to survive today.
"One of the faces of God is the face of a woman."
I studied his face. His eyes were gleaming, and he was staring into the fog that enveloped us. I could see that I no longer needed to prompt him.