My heart ached because now I was the one who was hurting him. He didn’t understand what I was trying to do. “I didn’t say that. You can’t expect me to be happy that you had to go through the kind of pain you and your brother and sister have.”
Lee chuckled, but there was no humor to the sound. “Life is pain, Mother. You know that. You know that even if you had been here with us, there would have been pain. You can’t control the world. Even the great and grand nexus point can’t control everything.”
“I didn’t control any of it,” I shot back. “Don’t make me out to be some manipulative bitch.”
“Hey, we need to bring the temperature down,” Danny said.
“But the world really does revolve around you,” Lee pointed out, ignoring his father. “And now that you don’t like the consequences, you want a do-over. The rest of us have to fall in line because you don’t like the outcome.”
He was deliberately misunderstanding me. “I want to take away the pain that happened to you over the last twelve years.”
“But then you take away the joy, and there was joy. A lot of it. You take away the bonds we’ve formed. Do you know what the man beside you talked to me about?” Lee asked, the challenge in his voice unmistakable.
“Lee, I told you she needs time,” Daniel began.
“He talked about family,” Lee continued. “He said he was proud that we’d kept our family together, that we hadn’t broken. He was proud his children stuck together. Even when our parents were gone, we looked after each other.”
“You think I don’t feel that way?” I loved them. I loved how close they were.
Lee stared down at me. “I think you’ve spent so much time thinking about how to get back what you lost, you haven’t considered what you have in front of you. I don’t know what will happen if you manage to use that artifact Declan gave you. I don’t know if this version of me will cease to exist or if we’ll simply be without our parents again, stuck in a war without you.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Lee,” Danny promised.
“Yes, you’re the perfect parent,” I said under my breath, angry that he wasn’t backing me up.
“No, I’m not, and neither is Dev.” Danny turned his attention to our son. “And Lee isn’t giving you the time you need. You’re being impatient, son. She’s built her life around the three of you. You are her whole world, and you can’t expect her to come to terms with this loss in a day or two. She had dreams for you, for our family, and I know they might seem selfish to you, but they weren’t. She loved the life we had, and it’s hard for her to let go. She fully believes she’s the reason this happened. She’s drowning in guilt, and she does not need this from you.”
“I should have known you would defend her.” Lee stepped back. “Well, I hope you let me know what you’re planning to do, Mother. I’d like a heads-up if I’m going to cease to exist. I have a couple of things left on my bucket list.”
“Lee,” Danny said.
Lee put up a hand. “No, it’s fine. It’s not like I’m going to run off. And I’m not going to tell Rhys what I found out about that artifact and that Mother is plotting behind our backs. He doesn’t need that kind of heartbreak. I’ll be ready to run the heist with or without you. I hope you’ll at least do me the courtesy of leaving a little blood behind so we have a chance against Myrddin in case we’re still here after you find your way back to paradise.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I couldn’t hold back the tears now, and I watched my son look at me with a blank expression.
He shrugged. “Hey, I didn’t mean to hurt you either. I guess it’s what we do. I’ll report back to you with what I learn from Dean. You’ll find I’m a good soldier. I get the job done no matter how much it hurts. I’m pretty sure I get that from my mom, so I have no doubt you’ll succeed.”
He turned and walked out.
“Zoey, what did you take from Declan?” Danny’s mouth was a flat line as he stared at me for a moment.
“It’s nothing. It’s a way to talk to the ancient ones. I wanted to study how it connects the present to the past.” I could feel tears pouring from my eyes, but I felt oddly numb, and I knew in that moment that if I could have gone back, I wouldn’t have blinked an eye. I would have shredded the universe to go back and have one moment when my baby looked up at me and I was the sun in the sky, the one who could never betray him.