"What th-"
Clang.
I sank to my knees, blinking through the explosion of pain in the side of my head. I actually might've blacked out for a moment as I rolled to my back, halfway in her doorway and halfway outside of it.
"What's wrong with you?" I muttered, eyes still struggling to focus on the blurry form of her kneeling over me.
My vision started to clear, and I saw she was terrified. Big brown eyes wide as Oreo cookies and her chest was pumping up and down like some old industrial engine on overdrive.
"Lose the bat, you already killed me," I said.
She dropped the bat, then gently put her hands to my cheek and winced, looking at where she'd hit me. "God, I really nailed you, didn't I?"
I flinched when she touched my temple, which was still pounding. The sudden movement made her jerk back and slap me across the cheek as fast as a snake. She put one hand to her mouth and then reached out like she was going to make sure she hadn't hurt me with the slap.
I grunted, getting up on my hands and scooting back from her, which coincidentally took me into her apartment. "Thanks, but I think you might be the last person I want checking on my injuries. The ones you inflicted."
"You were trying to get into my apartment," she said, backing away—suspiciously within range of her baseball bat.
My vision was returning to normal already and the blinding pain from the little slugger was fading. It gave me a chance to get my first real look at her. She had on an oversized t-shirt with one of those squish-faced cats floating in the center of a swirling galaxy that took up the entire shirt. From the amount of exposed leg just below the hem of her shirt, I developed an immediate, erection-inducing suspicion that she was only wearing panties beneath it.
Focus, asshole. You're just trying to get out of here, remember?
But I couldn't help myself. I got to my feet, fishing out the now crumpled paper airplane and handing it to her. "I was trying to chase off the creep I saw running up here like a dog in heat. But now I see you just like hitting people with baseball bats. You do this all day, or what?"
She seemed to think of something, then rushed to the counter and squirted some hand sanitzer on her hands and worked it in. For a few seconds, the only sound was the wet squish of her wringing her hands together for what felt like far longer than necessary. She followed this up with a dab of lotion, then seemed to realize I was watching her and went a little red.
She was fucking beautiful, I realized. I couldn't say if it was the lack of clothing or the odd circumstance, but it felt like I'd stumbled upon someone who wasn't meant to be stumbled upon. I had to grudgingly admit I also admired any woman who could knock me to the ground, with or without a baseball bat. That took some serious balls.
"You read my letter?" she asked, sounding outraged.
"You threw it out the window for anybody to read."
"I didn't throw it," she said. "King Gravy Boat III did."
I raised an eyebrow. Okay. That explained it. She was batshit crazy. Maybe if I just slowly backed out of-
A hairless abomination slinked into the room. It looked like a small, four-legged alien wearing a loose-fitting bag of skin. I'd always hated cats, but this creature took my hatred of the little assholes to an entirely new level. It was hideous. Absolutely horrifying.
And it was rubbing its filthy gums all over my shoes.
I stared down in horror as it purred and circled my foot, head butting me and rubbing itself all over me.
"Gravy Boat likes you," she whispered. "He doesn't like anyone. He doesn't even like me."
I gave my foot a little flick, trying to give the beast a hint, but he only purred louder. He looked up at me with big, horrifyingly yellow eyes.
I suppressed a shudder. "This is King Gravy Boat III?"
She nodded. I noticed she'd inched closer to the baseball bat. Unfortunately for her, I didn't plan to let her hit me in the head with that damn thing again, but I mentally applauded her instincts, at least.
"What happened to the other two Gravy Boats?" I looked behind me suddenly. "They aren't here, are they?"
"Gravy Boat the first was lured out by a street cat in heat. We think she was bad news, because he ended up running with their gang and never came back. Gravy Boat the second fell in love with a cat in the building. He ended up moving in with her a few years back."
"Right," I said slowly. I took another concerned look at the skin bag circling my leg. "Well, you were still a dumbass for writing the note. Even if this little monster was the one who 'threw' it out the window. Stop being so stupid before you get yourself killed. It's a dangerous place out there, especially for someone like you."