I looked over at my phone and saw it was time to get ready for work. Matt had already left a little while before. He had taken to getting to the bar even earlier to make sure things were going well. I knew he was looking for ways he was going to be able to grow and improve the bar even more. They had only just opened, and already he was angling for more visibility, bigger crowds, and greater success.
That was the whole point of opening the second location, I realized, but there was a part of me that thought he might have started a little competition in his mind. He wanted to prove the Portland location of the Hollow didn’t have to be looked at as second-rate or a copy of the original. It could be its own thing and draw just as much excitement, enthusiasm, and loyalty from those who filled it every week.
I got ready and headed in. There were already people waiting to be seated, and I threw myself into work to get my mind off everything else. It wasn’t easy being there with him and having to keep on pretending for everybody around us. At least at home, I could go into the spare bedroom and we didn’t have to interact. There was no one there to analyze how we were acting toward each other or to expect anything from us.
Here at the bar, everyone still saw the newlyweds. They grinned and giggled when they saw us, and some were still trickling in, offering congratulations. Before this week, Matt and I would amuse them by standing close together, our arms around each other as we listened and smiled. Sometimes we would wait until it looked like we thought we were alone and pretend to sneak a kiss, knowing people were watching.
It all worked out perfectly, at least for what we wanted to achieve then. Now it was much harder to keep up that charade. It was harder to look happy and carefree and to let people admire us. As much as I thought I would love the attention of being a newlywed when I thought about it on my wedding day, now I just wanted it all to melt away.
That wasn’t going to happen. Instead, I ended up crossing paths with Matt all night. He would smile at me or offer to help, but I got away from him as fast as I could before the tears would start up. I couldn’t stand this. But all too soon, it got worse.
I had just gone into the kitchen to grab an order of food to bring out to a table and realized I’d forgotten to grab a bottle of ketchup to bring with it. One of the many inadvertent lessons I’d learned during my time working at the bar was that there was a very slim window of perfection for French fries. It was that glorious time when they were fresh, golden, crispy, and hot enough that the oil was still sizzling just a little on the surface.
It was achingly specific, but also one of those little joys in life that shouldn’t be taken for granted. I figured if I was going to be the one to bring food to someone, I was going to pride myself in them never missing their French fry perfection window because they had to wait for a bottle of ketchup.
I realized my mistake as I was heading for the table. Matt had just walked past, and I turned around to ask him to grab one for me. Just as I did, a woman at one of the tables reached up and ran her hand down his side to get his attention. Matt turned to her, and the woman smiled, gesturing for him to come closer so she could say something to him.
The bar was busy, so it was fairly loud, but there was no need for that close of proximity or that obvious of flirting. I waited for Matt to step back or to let her know he was taken, but he didn’t. Instead, he seemed to be enjoying the attention. That was all I could take.
I brought the food over to the table and set it down as pleasantly as I could. I snatched a bottle of ketchup from a recently vacated table nearby and rushed to find Hannah.
“I need to leave early,” I said, untying my apron as I walked past her toward the back of the bar.
“Wait, what?” she asked, following after me.
“I’m sorry. I know I’m leaving you in the lurch, but I can’t be here right now. I’m really not in a good place.”
“What’s wrong?”
We were in the back room, just the two of us, and she was looking at me with sincerity and concern in her eyes. I so badly wanted to just open up and tell her everything. I wanted to tell her the truth and let everything fall where it may. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wasn’t sure how she would take it, and I couldn’t stand the thought of adding hurting her to everything I was going through already.