Until I watched him kill a man. And then I couldn’t help myself.
“I’m fucked up and broken,” I whispered to nobody. The empty bathroom judged me. The memory of my father judged me. I felt like I was going insane.
I still didn’t fully understand what happened. I went into that bathroom, and when I went to wash my hands, the Healy man came inside. I started to shout, but he held up his hands and said, “It’s okay. I’m Jonathan, I’m with the Healy family.”
I listened to him. He told me the Healys wanted to take me away and to protect me. Because of my father’s loyal service and good business, they thought I was worth saving from the Valentinos. They knew that Don Valentino wanted me to marry Ewan, and the head of the Healy family was willing to do what it took to get me out. All I had to do was follow Jonathan, and I could get away.
That was my chance to escape. Right there in that bathroom. I could’ve followed him and Ewan never would’ve found me. Hell, I think he would’ve let me go if he caught it happening.
Instead, when Jonathan came near me, I fought him.
It was stupid. I wasn’t thinking. But as soon as I realized I didn’t have a choice, I started clawing and hitting like my life depended on it. He slammed my face against the mirror, which is probably what broke it, then tried to pull me through the window. He would’ve gotten away with it, if Ewan hadn’t shown up.
I let out a stupid, ugly sob. It ripped from my throat and the tears rolled into the hot bathwater. Ewan drowned that man, drowned him in the toilet of some random dive bar, and I stood there, watching it happen. I could’ve tried harder to stop him, but I didn’t.
Some sick part of me wanted to see it happen.
I didn’t know how long I was in that tub. One second, I was staring at the ceiling, and the next I heard the door buzzer screaming. I climbed out, the water tepid at best, and wrapped a towel around my body. I trailed water out into the living room and buzzed him inside.
He came up a few minutes later, looking exhausted. He had on different clothes. I stood there, naked, soaked, barely covered by a towel, and I knew I should’ve gone into my room and locked the door. That would’ve been the safe thing, the smart thing.
And yet I kept thinking about that kiss, and the way he made my body feel, his hand on my ass, his other hand in my hair.
He stepped toward me. “You okay?” he asked.
“I think so,” I said. “Are you? Is everything—?”
He nodded once. “Taken care of.” His eyes moved from my lips down along my chest, down to my legs. “You took a bath.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I think I fell asleep.”
He came closer. I didn’t move. I felt rooted to the spot. “You could’ve gotten dressed,” he said. “But you didn’t want to, did you?”
“I don’t know what I want,” I whispered.
“You do.” He reached out and moved my hand from the towel. A weak knot held it up above my breasts. “You kissed me back.”
“I was in shock. I think I still am.”
“Maybe,” he said, tilting his head, staring into my eyes. “All you have to do is ask me to stop. I’ll stop for you, Tara. But only if you tell me to.”
I bit my lip hard as he slowly unraveled the towel. It fell down to the floor and I stood there, cold and wet and naked before him, so exposed, so vulnerable. Ewan was big, enormous, and he could do whatever he wanted with me. I should’ve been terrified.
I was more excited than I’d ever been in my life.
He ran his fingers up my spine. His other hand touched my hip bones, then moved up my abs, and cupped my breasts. I let out a soft, supple moan as he teased my nipples, then moved his fingers up my throat to my lips. He slid them into my mouth and I sucked them gently, rolling my tongue around. He pulled them back out and his eyes were burning with desire.
When he kissed me, it felt like a firework exploded in my mind. He lifted me up off my feet, wrapping my legs around his waist, hands gripping my ass. He was impatient, but he carried me back to his bedroom as we kissed. He bumped against the wall, and he didn’t quite make it before he pinned me against the wall in the hallway. I unbuckled his belt, got the strange jeans off that didn’t smell like him while he took off the navy button-down. His torso was covered in thick ripples of muscle and colorful tattoos and I kissed his chest, then his lips, as his hand grabbed my hair.