Her eyes met mine and she knew what I was thinking. She knew it, and her cheeks turned pink. My free hand moved to her ass and squeezed it tight, pulling her hips against mine. She sucked in a breath and let out a soft moan as I moved closer, her breasts pressed against my chest, her heart racing wildly.
“What are you doing?” she whispered. “You can’t do this. Not right here.”
“Tell me to stop,” I said, clenching my jaw. “And you know I’ll let you go.”
She didn’t say a word, so I kissed her.
Fuck, it was heaven. Her tongue in my mouth, my other hand moved back into her hair and gripped it. I took her, controlled her, and made her my own as we kissed. I tasted her blood as it rolled down her cheek, and I didn’t give a fuck, didn’t care about anything but her lips, and her body pressed to mine. She tasted like vodka and heaven, and she moaned into my mouth as I gripped her hair and her ass.
It took all my willpower to pull away. I left her lips swollen and her eyes blinking rapidly. I turned my back on her, half hard and on fire with need. I had to get myself together.
“Listen to me now,” I said, still not looking at her. “Get yourself together. When you’re ready, go back out into the main room. You’ll pay for our drinks at the bar, then you’ll leave.”
“What about him?” she asked, and her voice was choked.
“There are Valentino men out in the main room,” I said. “They know who I am. We’ll get this cleaned up.”
“You’re going to get rid of him? He’s got a family. He’s a person.” She took a shuddering breath. “Ewan, you killed him.”
I turned back to her then. “This is what I am,” I said, staring at her like I wanted her to see me, really see me for the monster I’ve become. “He’s dead, and we’re not, and if we want to stay out of prison, then I need you to do what I’m telling you. Can you do that for me, Tara?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “I can do it.”
“Get yourself together, go pay for the drinks, then leave. Walk back to the apartment. I’ll give you the key.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll follow soon,” I said. “Be ready to let me up when I come back. It might not be for a while.”
“Ewan—”
“Do what I’m asking you,” I said. “Clean up. Pay for the drink. Walk back to the apartment. Understand?”
“I understand,” she said.
“Good.” I turned away and walked to the bathroom door. “I’ll give you a minute.”
“No,” she said quickly, “stay in here, please.”
I hesitated, but nodded. She stared at me with her mouth hanging open, and I still wanted her more than anything, but I knew I had a long night ahead of me. It wasn’t easy, getting rid of a body.
She splashed water on her face and used a paper towel to staunch the bleeding. She fixed her hair and her clothes the best she could, and when she was done, she looked almost presentable.
I gave her cash and my key. If she wanted, she could take everything I owned back at my place and disappear. I was trusting her not to do that, and I wondered if she even realized.
“You can do this,” I said, and squeezed her fingers in mine. “Pay for the drinks and walk back home.”
“I can do this,” she said.
I pulled her to me and kissed her cheek, lingering for a second too long, before I let her go.
She left, walking fast.
I waited for a few minutes. My dead friend Jonathan still lay in the toilet bowl. I wondered how fucked up Tara would be now, after watching me murder a man by drowning him like that. Poor girl didn’t know what she was getting into, but now she saw the real me. Sooner or later, she’d have to understand.
I was a monster. I was a killer.
And maybe, in some broken part of her, she liked that.
After ten minutes, I went back out into the main room, signaled at the Valentino guys there, and dragged them into my mess.
10
Tara
I sank back into a blazing hot bath and closed my eyes. I tried not to think about Ewan kneeling on top of that struggling Healy man, the guy’s head shoved into the toilet bowl, his legs and arms flailing wildly. I tried to push Ewan’s almost gleeful look from my mind, but it kept coming back, over and over.
Ewan killed him, right there in the bathroom, drowned him in a toilet. And then he kissed me.
I touched my mouth. I still felt numb from where he’d bitten my lower lip. I’d never been kissed like that before, like I was a prize, like I was something he’d always wanted but never been allowed to have before. I caught him looking at me like that all the time, and I knew what he wanted from me, but I never thought I’d actually give it to him.