“It’s a letter from Colm Healy,” I said slowly, keeping my voice as steady as I could. “He wants to buy you from me.”
She flinched and took a step back. “Buy me?” she asked.
“Maybe in his mind it’s a rescue attempt.” I held the letter out. “You can read it.”
It was probably a mistake. She took the envelope, ripped out the paper, and read it quickly. Her face twisted in disgust as she finished and she handed it back to me in a crumpled heap.
“I don’t even know these people,” she said, pacing away from me. “How do I know going to them is going to be any better than staying here?”
“I doubt he’ll force you to marry someone,” I said, but I wasn’t sure if that was true or not. “At least he didn’t have your father killed.”
She grunted in response and paced back and forth, hands behind her back. “What are you going to do?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “The Healy family wants you. We knew that already. This doesn’t change a thing.”
“He’s willing to pay for me.” She said it almost as if it were a joke, and she could hardly understand the punchline. “Honestly, Ewan. You should take him up on the offer. You don’t want to marry me, do you?”
I smiled slightly. “I don’t know what I want,” I said. “But the Don will be very upset if I let you leave. So for now, you’re staying.”
She let out a harsh laugh. “That’s right, I almost forgot that I don’t have a choice in any of this.”
“I keep saying, you can run whenever you want, but it won’t be as easy as you think.” I walked around the counter and came toward her, but she backed away from me. I stopped and held my hands out, trying to show her that I didn’t mean any harm.
“I don’t understand you,” she said softly, eyes wide with a mixture of fear and uncertainty.
I hated that look. It was despicable, and it made me feel like a monster. The truth was, I didn’t understand myself, and didn’t understand what I really wanted. One half of me needed her to run away and wanted to make sure she got to safety. I wasn’t a trafficker, and I didn’t keep women against their will. But the other half wanted to follow orders and didn’t want to anger the Don. I was fucked if she stayed, and fucked if she left.
And there was one other reason I wanted her to stick around. It was a selfish reason, and it haunted me every time I looked at her.
I wanted her. God damn, I wanted her body, her lips, her long, lean legs, the curve of her jaw, her long, thick auburn her, her sparkling eyes. I wanted it all, wanted to take her and own her and make her beg and drip and moan. I’d never felt it so strong before, but the way the sunlight played off her damp skin drove me insane with pure, animal lust.
“You don’t need to worry about it,” I said. “None of it matters. You’re here, and I don’t plan on giving you away.”
“But you won’t stop me if I run.” She said softly, almost a whisper.
“That’s right,” I said. “I know I’m contradicting myself.”
She stared at me, then chewed on her lip and looked away. The silence was heavy and threatening, and I didn’t know what I would do if she made a break for it, but I thought I would let her go. I might chase, might try to bring her back, but in the end, if she wanted to escape and take her chances on her own, then I’d let her.
But I didn’t want her to get herself killed.
There was no doubt in my mind that the Don would send someone to finish her off if she did manage to break away. It would be a smear on his honor, and he couldn’t accept that sort of stain on the family.
She was safer here. But that wasn’t exactly easy for her to see.
“I should shower,” she said. “I’m gross.”
“I like the way you look,” I said, smiling a bit, but I let her slip past me and head to the hall. “Sweat rolling down your body.”
She glanced back over her shoulder and seemed confused, but she smiled a little, her cheeks still flushed, and disappeared back to the bathroom.
The shower water turned on as I sat at the table and leaned my head back against the wall.
I shouldn’t have shown her that letter. Now she knew the Healy family would take her in, and she was more likely to try to escape. It was stupid, and if I really wanted to keep her captive, I would have kept it from her.
But I was too conflicted and angry with the whole situation to do the right thing.