Pritkin’s face grew thoughtful, but I didn’t add anything. He didn’t need me to connect the dots. He never had.
“You’re saying people will think you’re controlled by the Circle if we’re together. That is why Lady Phemonoe hid her relationship . . . and her child?”
I shook my head. “There was more to it than that. She feared that Jonas would jump at the chance to have his daughter as Pythia. He did everything he could to influence the office through their affair.”
I remembered the passionate, fiery girl I’d seen today, and the closed-off, overly careful woman I’d met in later years. She’d learned not to trust people, to the point that she’d never even considered believing me when I showed up for training. Maybe because she couldn’t even trust her own lover.
I thought uncomfortably of Mircea. That had been our problem, among others. I still loved him, probably always would, but I couldn’t trust him. And how could you have a relationship like that?
Of course, love covered a multitude of sins. At least, I guessed Agnes had thought so. Because she and Jonas had been together right up until her death, yet she’d never told him about Rhea. Never breathed a word.
“She wanted to protect her,” I said. “From him, and from what I saw today. I always wondered why she never let Rhea be trained. Now I know.”
“And you?” Pritkin asked. “What do you want?”
It caught me off guard, I don’t know why. He was never anything but direct. But I didn’t hesitate.
Because on this, I’d had plenty of time to think.
“I want what she never had. No skulking in corners. No lying. No hiding everything about who I am—and who I love.”
Green eyes blazed into mine, but he didn’t move a muscle. Because yeah. It wasn’t that simple.
“I know, okay?” I told him. “I understand the dangers, especially with the never-ending war! We need everyone on our side; I can’t be seen to be playing favorites—and I won’t be! I think Jonas understands that now.”
“And the others? The vampires?”
I sighed. There were so many people to be considered—about my damned love life! “I don’t know, but I can’t live a lie. Not forever. I had to tell Gertie one today, just to stay here, because I didn’t know what she’d do if I told her the truth—”
“The truth?”
“About what happened in training. She didn’t understand why I was able to do that. I had to tell her I took a potion.”
“But you didn’t?” He leaned forward, suddenly intense.
“No, I ran out. But you gave me some power last night, so I had extra juice I wasn’t expecting. That’s all.”
“That’s all,” he repeated, looking a little weird. A succession of expressions crossed his face, too fast for me to follow. But he didn’t look like a guy who’d just been told “I love you”—for the second time!
“What is it?” I asked.
“Cassie,” he paused, and looked like a guy who was choosing his words carefully. “Before you decide anything, you need to know—” He stopped again when he took my hand, and then looked up at me in surprise. “You’re freezing.”
“I told you so.”
“I didn’t think you were serious!”
“It’s the damned weather. And that,” I said, nodding at the water heater. “They need to get it working.”
“It is working. It must be ninety degrees in here.”
“Just because you’re from the frozen north—”
“I’m from Britain.”
“Like I said. And I haven’t eaten.”
“At all?”