“My work yes, but…” Hazel shifted so she could look at him more directly. “What are we? I mean, are we a couple? Are you my boyfriend? That sounds so weird to call you that.”
“Do we really need to put a label on this? Aren’t you having a good time?”
Hazel seemed to pale even further. “I am, but it feels wrong to be doing this with someone for as long as we have without trying to define what we have at least a little. I’m not asking for a ring or anything. I just want to know if we’re going somewhere.”
Ian sighed and took her hand. “You know we can’t be open as a couple.”
“Does that mean we are a couple? I’m sorry, I know it’s not ‘cool’ to need to know these things.”
Ian lifted her chin and kissed her lips. “I don’t want our relationship to ever hurt you. I can use my influence to keep things under wraps for now. We can worry about all of this later.”
A little wrinkle appeared above Hazel’s brow. Her annoyance tightened her jaw and pursed her lips.
“We could date officially, then, once the semester is over? Once you’re technically not my teacher, and we’re just two people working on a book together. Theoretically, we could,” she pressed.
“In theory, yes.” Ian moved his arm around her waist and kissed her again. This time, she kissed back.
He knew he was being vague about their relationship, but it was necessary. Even if he didn’t care about the job at the university, the scandal that would come from him dating a student might be enough to disrupt his business substantially. And it would definitely be bad for Hazel’s career.
If he’d been able to resist starting this with Hazel, as young as she was and looking up to him as a mentor, he would have. But it had been impossible—looking into her stormy gray eyes, being close to her lovely, willowy frame, listening to her impassioned words—not to want her. Not to touch her. He had to have her. Now that he did, however, he was afraid he would lose her in trying to protect her.
On top of that, he had to admit to himself that after two failed marriages and all of his dalliances, he was hesitant to make their relationship official. If what they had together became something tangible and definable, it could be taken away. They could break up. It could crush Hazel. No, Ian needed for this thing between them to remain flexible and free, just for a little bit longer.
If Hazel could stand it, they had the time to enjoy themselves and each other. They could worry about the future when it came.
Chapter Ten
With the end of the semester upon them, and Hazel burdened with her classes along with writing a book and taking point on the new philanthropic division of Cartwright & Benton, she came to the decision that, in spite of everything, she couldn’t have it all. She cut back on her hours at the grocery store and made some excuses to spend less time in the office with Ian. It killed her but, at the moment, she was too overwhelmed, and conflicted, to spend too much time with him.
After telling him that she loved him, she had hoped that he would eventually return the sentiment. She’d even given him opportunities to say it, but whenever she brought up their relationship, Ian grew brisk and vague. Her only way of making sense of it was that he enjoyed her company, and her work, and the sex, but he did not love her.
Daily, Hazel felt nerves prickling along her skin and a lump in her throat. While Hazel hadn’t taken an official test yet, she was now three weeks late, constantly nauseous and fatigued, and had cried the other day when the strap on her messenger bag broke. Granted, that could have been any student dealing with finals, but he knew herself and knew the difference. She couldn’t put off dealing with this for much longer. It was just too much right now.
Dragging her books around in her duffle bag, since she hadn’t had time to go out and get a new one, Hazel slid into a booth seat where Natalie was waiting for her. Mid-finals lunch bitch session. Hazel sighed with her whole body. Natalie had already ordered, and before her sat a humongous hamburger with a mountain of fries. Hazel expected the scent to nauseate her. Instead, her stomach growled loudly.
“Ha. Time to eat something. Too bad they’ve only got salads here,” Natalie teased.
“Oh, shut up. I’ll find something. I always do.” Hazel grabbed a menu and looked over it halfheartedly. The Peach Grill oddly only offered grilled peaches on ice cream. Their chef wasn’t big on fruits and vegetables in general.
“Or, you could try some of this burger the size of my head.” Natalie cut her burger in half with a steak knife and then proceeded to dance the burger closer and closer to Hazel’s face.