“I thought we both needed a moment. It’s been one thing after another, and it’s overwhelming, you know?”
“I was thinking the same.” It was nice when we were in sync. It made me feel safe. “I just feel so terrible for my cousins. I can’t imagine what they’re going through.”
“They’ll get through it. And so will you.”
I huffed a laugh. “You don’t know that. Especially not now.” My fear of what I’d seen clung so thick it was like I was wrapped in a blanket of it.
Dastien tilted his head to stare out over the pond. He searched the calm surface like the answers to all our problems were in the murky depths. I could feel his anxiety, like he was building up to something, but I didn’t want to pry. He was always patient with me, so I’d do my best to be patient with him.
Finally, Dastien turned to back me. The sunlight shone around him, giving him a glow. A curl slipped free from behind his ear, and he shoved it back. “I think we should finish bonding before Luciana attacks again.”
I licked my lips as I processed his words. I didn’t want to upset him, but he had to be kidding.
“That was the last thing I saw before—” Why would he want to risk it? It was like taking one more step down the road that led straight to both of us dead. He had to be overstressed or he never—ever—would’ve suggested it.
I stood up, swiping my hands down my butt, but then gave up, and started marching off—not even sure where I was going.
“Tessa, wait.”
I spun to him. “No. You wait.” My vision changed everything. Everything. For all we knew, going through with the ceremony now—before we defeated Luciana—was exactly what got us killed. “You talk about changing the future, and that’s what we’re trying to do. Staying away from Orangina is easy enough, but what if I find myself in the conference room? We have no proof that anything has changed. Bonding now could send us straight to our deaths in that church.”
His eyebrows rose as he took in my anger. “I disagree. You’re putting way too much stock in the vision. You can’t let your fear of the future rule your life.”
My breath came in sharp pants, and fur rippled along my arms. Shifting now wasn’t a good idea. We had to talk this through. Which meant that I needed to calm down, but the fear of what might happen was so overwhelming, I could barely think straight. “You don’t get it. I saw you die and it was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. After what happened at the compound, that’s saying something.” My hands shook, I was so scared what might happen. “If we end up there, I’m going to do my best to keep you and everyone else alive, but I won’t do anything that could push us closer to that happening.”
Dastien’s face flashed from pensive to angry to sad. “Non.” He grabbed my shoulders and a burst of power followed his word. “You think that if we end up in the church you’ll have to save me? If we end up there, it will be our responsibility. We can fight better as a team. That’s why everyone is so jealous that we’re True Mates. We’re far more powerful together than we are apart. Remember?”
I’d spent so much time alone that I was used to it. I knew we were a team, but knowing it and being it were two different things. Now doubt niggled at me. What if delaying our bonding was weakening us? “But what if it sets off a chain reaction that ends with you dead? It would be my fault for not stopping it now and then I’d be alone. Without you. I don’t know that I can survive that.”
He drew me against his chest, and his heart thumped steadily. I closed my eyes as I relaxed against him. “There’s always a chance that something could happen to one of us. That’s part of being alive. But none of that will ever be your fault. I didn’t mean to bite you, and I take responsibility for that—but it happened. If I’d done it a different way, could that have changed Luciana’s reaction and everything that happened since? I don’t know, but if I thought that way, it would be easy to say this is all my fault.”
I wanted to argue his logic, but I couldn’t. If I tried to accept blame, then he had some, too, and I didn’t like that. Not one bit.
“Something tells me that Luciana has been going down this road for a very long time, and nothing anyone could’ve done—not you or me—would’ve stopped it.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “No matter what happens, you have to place blame where it belongs. On Luciana. She’s the one who cast the spell on Meredith. Who attacked us. Who drained your powers and murdered her own coven. You didn’t do any of those things. Accepting blame for any of it is crazy.”
“That doesn’t change my mind about bonding. I know you want it—and believe me, I do, too—but we have very compelling reasons why we shouldn’t go through with it right now.”
He cupped my cheek. “Fighting Luciana is going to be hard, especially now. We need everything we can get. Being a full unit, thinking like one, can only help us in a fight.”
“But we’d bonded in the vision, and we still died.”
“Did you see that part happen? You said in the vision that you couldn’t find me for a second. If we were really bonded, you could never lose me.”
Technically, I hadn’t seen us go through with the ceremony. I’d just assumed. We’d been here, on our land. I was wearing white, but maybe it wasn’t what I thought. The only thing I’d really seen was us kissing. “I just assumed since I was in a white dress and you were in khakis and we were here, that it had to be because we were bonding.”
“See. Anything could’ve happened. What if we’d only been here for date? What if we started to bond, but something came up again?” He shook my shoulders. “You’ve got to stop thinking the worst is destined to happen.”
I couldn’t hold his gaze. “I’m scared. Like really, truly terrified.”
“That’s understandable. I’m scared of what might happen when we face Luciana again. But not living our lives because of what might or might not happen? That’s not okay.”
He was totally right. This was crazy, but he was right. Maybe what I saw in the vision was going to happen. Or maybe it wasn’t.
If I cut myself off from him because I was scared, then I wasn’t really living. I was getting by.
And if I really thought about it… If the worst happened, I’d regret not doing this and I’d forever wonder if completing our bond would’ve made a difference.
“Okay,” I whispered the word.