He wanted to argue further. Of course he would take back that decision if he could. Knowing what he knew now, he’d have carried her to Scotland and damn the consequences. She wasn’t being fair.
“I told you I wouldn’t make any attempt to divorce my husband. Even if I’ve changed my mind, it’s not up to you to force the issue.”
He stood straighter. “Have you changed your mind?”
Kate ducked her head. Two bright spots of pink returned to her cheeks. “I need time to think.”
The awful pain in his chest eased a little. She wasn’t saying no, which was more than she’d granted last time.
“And what of your family? They will not like being dragged into this. Your brother—”
“My brother will not give a damn. And my mother always adored you.”
“I only met your mother twice, and she didn’t know we were . . . so close.”
“She knew.”
Kate’s chin snapped up. “You told her? About us?”
“No, she saw me mooning about, and if anyone can recognize lovesickness it is my mother. How did you think I arranged that two-week visit to your neighbor’s estate? I told her that I was in love with you and she took over the scheming.”
Kate’s tense frown relaxed into a smile. “Did she?”
“Indeed.”
Her temper had eased, it seemed, and she lowered herself back into the chair with a sigh. “I may not be able to have children, you know.”
“Heirs are my brother’s duty, not mine.”
She poured herself a cup of coffee and one for him as well. “Let me think on it, Aidan.”
“Yes. Of course.”
“You must let me come to this decision on my own. You can’t understand the damage you could do. Please, I only need time.”
Time. He could give her that. He’d already given a decade, after all.
Chapter 25
Hot water lapping at her chin, Kate watched steam curl up from the lilac-scented water that filled the tub. How long had it been since she’d taken a deep, hot bath? How long since she’d set foot in a home like this?
It could be hers, she knew that. But now she was more confused than ever. Aidan wasn’t a boy anymore. He was a man with all the stupid weaknesses of a man. The need to control. The need to be more than. She’d been ready to tell him the truth, but he’d treated her like a child who couldn’t truly know what she wanted.
The irony being that he was the one in the dark.
For a moment, she felt an ugly surge of superiority. He thought he had the answers, and he didn’t even know the right question.
But she immediately felt awful, and sunk an inch lower into the water. It lapped at her mouth and made her feel hidden and safe.
He wasn’t truly like her father. Or her husband. First of all, he was kind, and always had been. Secondly, he loved her. Yes, he’d betrayed her with his advocacy, but she’d betrayed him in a far deeper way. And his dishonesty had been in the name of hope. Hers was based on ugly fear.
She sighed, rippling the water with her breath.
He did not care that she was older. That she dressed like a shopkeeper. He did not even care that she might not give him children.
Her heart thumped slow and steady in her body. She raised her mouth from the water. “I love him,” she whispered, and her pulse stayed steady. “I love him.”
Kate pictured the foundation that propped her up. The stones she’d worked so hard to replace. She imagined herself walking around a square wall, dragging her fingers along the strong edges. Yes, there were still parts of it that had been damaged beyond repair. She could shore those up but never replace them. But the foundation, which had been riddled with holes, looked untouched in places now. Certainly strong enough to see her through a life.