“You could’ve told me,” he said roughly.
She nodded. “I could have. But I didn’t.”
The color had returned to her cheeks, but Aidan wondered if she’d stolen it from him. He felt shaky and ill. He did not know if he should be furious or if he should go to his knees before her.
“Gerard will tell everyone. He’ll see me ruined.”
“No, he won’t. He’s locked in a cabin on the Talisman . He won’t get off until it reaches Ceylon.”
“Oh,” she said, her eyes wide with surprise. “That was very smart.”
“And very expensive,” he joked, amazed that he was able to smile. “But worth every shilling.”
“I’m not sure about that.” She waved her hand toward the front of the building. “I’m not sure my reputation is salvageable after all this.”
“It will be fine. I’ll send a letter to the governor, explaining what I’ve witnessed. I’ll have my brother send one as well.”
“I don’t know. If that doesn’t work . . . I do not even care for my reputation, but yours . . .”
“Kate . . .” he started, but what could he say? He hated her and loved her. He wanted her still, but she didn’t want him. And when she turned to him, he was sure he imagined the yearning i
n her eyes.
He cleared his throat. “Speaking of . . .” He tossed a glance toward the window. “I should go before there’s even more talk.”
“Oh. Yes.” Even as she nodded, tears welled in her eyes and spilled over her lashes. “Of course you must go.”
Every muscle in his body ached with the need to hold her, but he had no right to touch her. She’d made that clear in London in no uncertain terms. So he stood, and his eye caught on the doorway to her bedroom and the open chest inside.
“Were you going to go with him?”
“No.”
“You were already packed, Kate.”
“I wasn’t . . . I thought I would have to flee, but I wasn’t going with him.”
“But you were leaving.”
“I . . .” She shook her head and didn’t bother saying more.
Aidan gave a small bow. “Well, you can unpack now at least. I’ll be back. I need to compose that letter, but I’ll need more details first.”
“That’s very . . . I can’t thank you enough.”
“Yes, well . . . If Lucy is waiting below, I’ll send her up.”
His foot was above the top step when Kate said his name. He stuttered, turning back to her.
“Don’t go,” she breathed.
Kate stood, her hands twisting so hard together that her fingertips tingled and flashed. “I know you might never forgive me.”
His brow fell and he started to shake his head.
“Please,” she said, holding up one shaking hand. “It’s all right. I just wanted you to know that . . . This morning I was lying in my bed, waiting for the sun to come up, and all I could think of was you. I knew I’d never let Gerard take me to Ceylon, because I needed to tell you I was sorry.”
“Kate, I understand. It’s—”