Her dad’s sharp bark of laughter still made Jenn cringe each time she heard it. Her dad was a bully, and he couldn’t bully his clients, so he liked to exercise his pettiness on the women of his family.
With a sigh, Jenn stopped and turned slowly back to face the way she’d come. The sand scraped against the arches of her feet and burrowed up through her toes. None of the cabins were visible from here, not even the main office. It was dark and quiet and should have felt peaceful, but the isolation painted her with loneliness. She was muffled by it, smothered beneath it.
She wanted to be taken care of, but she was desperately afraid of turning into a person who let herself be kept like a pet or a child. She needed to be strong, but she craved the luxury of turning her problems over to someone else. Someone steady. She never let herself lean on anyone.
So Jenn’s secrets were her own. Her betrayals could never belong to someone else. With a deep breath, she put one foot in front of the other and started back toward the faint glow that hung in the air above the swaying shadows of the grassy dunes. “Jenn?”
Slapping a hand to her chest, Jenn gasped so loudly that she scared herself even more. “I’m sorry…”
She recognized Elliott’s voice and the shape of his shoulders as he walked toward her from the dark, but her heart refused to calm. It beat harder against her ribs, crowding out any chance at drawing a deeper breath. “I didn’t see you,” she managed to say.
“I’m sorry,” Elliott repeated. When she said nothing, he cleared his throat. “I, uh, saw you walk away, and… Is everything okay? Do you want to be alone?”
“Yes. I mean, yes, everything’s okay. And I don’t want to be alone. Or, that is, I don’t mind being alone, but I’m happy to be with you, too. Or instead.” She was babbling again. The words rose up, unstoppable now. “I guess you heard about Chloe’s past. Though it’s not really her past, or anything she did. It’s someone else’s past. Not hers.”
“It sounds like it’s been tough for her.”
“It has been. It’s been awful!”
“You’ve been a good friend, though.”
A good friend. The words were too much for her. They wrapped around her throat and wouldn’t let her speak, so Jenn shook her head.
“You are,” Elliott insisted, because he didn’t know the truth.
The truth was that she was a selfish, lying friend. Cowardly, too.
He stepped closer when she shook her head again. “I’ve read the articles.” His hand, warm and wide and tender, cupped her jaw as she swallowed against tears. “You’re loyal. And you’re there. It seems like every report includes your name because you’re there with her wherever she goes. That’s sweet.”
Well, she wasn’t babbling now. Any desire to talk was canceled out by the need to keep his fingers just there beneath her chin, and his thumb, feathering along the angle of her jaw. The tightness in her throat got softer and warmer, until it felt lovely instead of strangling.
“It seems like nothing I do helps,” she whispered. “It just keeps getting worse.”
“I’m sorry,” Elliott murmured, as if she were the one who needed sympathy. He didn’t know that she didn’t deserve his tenderness, but she wouldn’t tell him. She needed this so much. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, the words softer in her ear, even though he was leaning closer, his head dipping down toward her.
His mouth brushed hers, asking a question she was only too happy to answer. Yes, she wanted to be kissed. Yes, she needed someone to lean on, just for a moment.
Elliott was no bully, and she knew instinctively that he would hesitate to take advantage of this moment. He’d think she was too vulnerable, too hurt—and she was. But she needed him to help her, to take over, to make her forget. Jenn opened her mouth and licked at his bottom lip, reveling in the sharpness of his next breath. But that was his only hesitation. He gathered her closer and kissed her back, letting her deeper into him, teasing her into a moan.
Jenn let everything fall away. She let herself fall into Elliott instead, and his arms held her steady and strong as she ran her hands up his back and over his shoulders. He was so much bigger than she was, so much stronger, and that knowledge burrowed deep into her belly until she was rubbing her thigh restlessly against his.
“Jenn,” he whispered. When his fingers snuck beneath her shirt and touched the small of her back, she moaned in delight. It had been over two years since a man had touched her like that. Oh, there had been the occasional arm curled around her waist at a bar or the too-friendly hand stroking down her shoulder. But nothing welcome like this. When he spread his fingers and pressed his whole palm to her bare skin, Jenn knew she wanted to make love with Elliott. She wanted it more than she’d wanted anything from her two previous lovers.
Maybe it was him and his careful strength. Or maybe it was just her loneliness, but Jenn was certain, and that certainty made her bold enough to whisper, “Yes,” as she slipped her hands beneath his shirt and framed his waist. She had no idea how many minutes passed before she was flat on her back, but she did know that she’d smiled when he found the front clasp of her bra, and gasped when his hand first caressed her naked breast. Then he’d pushed her shirt up and put his mouth there, and now she was sighing quietly in the night, hoping the rushing waves covered the sound. Or maybe she didn’t care about the desperate noise in her throat, because his teeth scraped her nipple as his mouth pulled at her, and Jenn felt greedy with need. Desperate.
She was going to do this, and she was going to love it. And afterward she’d brag and joke and squeal with Chloe about how great it had been. No more talking about fantasies. This time she was going to have memories of Elliott to keep her warm.
My God. This was going to be so good.
Clutching his hair, she tugged him back up to her mouth so he’d have to think of another way to make her moan. A way that might involve his hands traveling to impolite places that hadn’t been touched in so long.
She whispered his name, as encouraging as she could be without asking for what she wanted. And she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t ask him to slide his fingers inside her or unbutton his jeans so she could touch him. Shaking now, she spread her knees so he could lie easily between them. That was hint enough, wasn’t it? Just in case, she dug her fingers into his ass and pulled him tighter.
Elliott said nothing, but his breath came faster against her neck as he nibbled there. He propped his weight on one elbow so he could shape the curve of her waist and hip with one rough hand.
Touch me, she prayed. Touch me.
Finally, he slid his hand beneath the thin fabric of her shorts and eased them down. They were going to do it. Right here on the beach. The breeze swirled over her, setting little whirlwinds against the skin of her belly. Jenn shivered and kicked her shorts the rest of the way off as Elliott slid to her side.