“I mean…we both knew that Max and Chloe wanted time alone, so I’m really happy you brought up dinner. It was a good idea.”
“Thank you.” He looked away from her, eyes sliding over the watery horizon. “I had a nice time.”
“So did I!” she said far too loudly. Oh, God, this was impossible, trying to pretend she wasn’t having the best time of her life. If she blurted that out, Elliott would likely edge away and ditch her as soon as he had the chance. But she was having the time of her life. Whenever she lapsed into anxious silence, Elliott filled the space between them with quiet talk about his work and the places he’d been.
Though he’d occasionally apologize for going on, Jenn had urged him to continue. She liked his voice and his work was fascinating, even when he started talking about viruses that seemed to be made up entirely of numbers and letters.
He was so calm. So steady. He didn’t flirt or charm. He didn’t make comments with hidden sexual overtures. He just talked.
And he asked questions about her life, too, but Jenn did her best to steer the conversation back to him. When he talked, it soothed her. Elliott didn’t seem to want anything from her but company, so her heartbeat was nearly normal during these conversations.
But right now as he stared down at his feet, a frown drawing his brows together, Jenn’s heart sped. He was bored or irritated or tired.
“Should we?” she asked, a self-conscious blush heating her face.
Elliott’s eyes rose.
“Walk,” she stammered. “On the beach?”
“Oh, of course. Jenn, are you okay?”
She knew from the feel of her unbearably hot cheeks that she was blushing like a madwoman. The sun wasn’t setting fast enough to cover up that kind of fiery-red. Damn her pale skin. “I’m fine.”
“You look—”
“I just get nervous!” She hurried off the shoulder of the narrow road, her feet wobbling a bit on the rocks that marked the line between blacktop and sand.
“Jenn,” Elliott said from close behind her.
She wanted to keep going, but when her sandals started filling with sand, she had to stop and kick them off. Elliott caught up and started to reach for her, then shoved his hands in his pockets instead. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you nervous.”
“It’s not you,” she said, hiding her mortification for a few seconds by picking up her sandals and shaking them clean. “It’s just talk of being on a date. I get…” Helpless to explain it, she shrugged and forced herself to meet his gaze. Jenn expected to see exasperation. Instead she saw disappointment.
Elliott cleared his throat. “Right. Would you feel more comfortable staying on the road? If you don’t want this to be a real date, then—”
“But it’s not a real date. Is it?”
“Jenn…I asked you out. You said yes. I thought it was a date, but if this was just about giving Chloe some space, I understand.”
“I thought you asked me out for Max’s sake.”
“Max can take care of himself. I asked you out because I wanted to. But I can imagine I’m not your type.”
“You’re so smart,” she said in a rush, thrown off balance by his admission.
“Yeah…my work…I’m trying to find some hobbies.”
She couldn’t process that, because her heart was screaming he likes you, he likes you, and her mind was starting to panic at the thought. He was too smart, too serious, too good for her. She didn’t deserve somebody like him, not with the awful truths she was hiding. “Elliott, I…”
He smiled, a polite smile that didn’t mask the sadness in his eyes when he stepped back to give her some space. “It’s no big deal, Jenn, really.”
The extra foot of space between them seemed to remove some pressure from her skin. Too much pressure. Yes, her anxiety ratcheted down, but that relief was offset by loneliness. She was no good at relationships, but for the past few months she’d been so profoundly alone, unable to talk to Chloe and afraid to talk to Anna.
Elliott looked like he’d been alone, too. And as anxious as dating made her, she’d had fun with him. She’d loved it.
And watching his face shut down into a polite smile dug out a hollow feeling inside her chest.
“I’d like to walk on the beach,” she said before she could lose her nerve. “With you.”