“Do you want a to-go box? I know how fond you are of them.”
“No, I’m good.”
This date was all backward. It had started with Charlie in her pajamas. Then they’d had sex. And more sex. Then this date. If they’d done it in the right order, the evening would’ve gotten no further than this awkward moment of waiting for the check to arrive. They both breathed a sigh of relief when he finally paid and they could leave.
He tried to let go of his mood as they drove back to the Stud Farm, but now he couldn’t stop thinking of all the other things she’d said since they’d started messing around. That he wasn’t her boyfriend. That it was only stress relief. That he wasn’t the marrying type and she wasn’t possessive. All of it was a continuation of things he’d heard from women his whole life.
Not that he’d never had more than that. He wasn’t a leper. But it was starting to become a common theme.
Thanks for the ride, cowboy.
Yeah. He got it. And hell, he was up for a good time, but what if he wanted more than that?
What he needed to do was stop dating women who were so far above his station. He couldn’t help being attracted to them. The quick wit. The intelligence. The confidence and bright humor. It drew him in. As if he were a magnet attracted to the opposite charge. He wanted to be near them, but it was too much. He felt dull in comparison. He was just a big package of physical labor. He’d been fine with that his whole life. He’d embraced it. But the role he’d shrugged on so easily for so many years was starting to chafe.
“Listen,” he said as he pulled up to the apartment. “I apologize, but I’ll have to drop you off. I need to talk to someone about a job.”
“Right now? It’s eight.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Charlie’s crossed arms tightened. “Walker, I’m really sorry. I honestly didn’t mean to offend you. Can we go upstairs and talk? Or not talk, even?” Her smile faded when he didn’t answer.
No, he didn’t want to not talk with yet another woman. Not even with Charlie. Not tonight. “I really need to get going.”
Her face fell. “Okay. But...I had a really good time today.”
“Me, too,” he said with sincerity. He couldn’t deny that part of it, not even to himself.
He felt like complete shit as he got out and opened Charlie’s door. He walked her to the circle of porch light and up the stairs to open the door for her. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and left him there without a word.
Yeah, it was late, and he was a fool not to walk her in, take her to her door and hope to be invited inside. He was an idiot not to kiss her until she forgot she’d already come twice and she needed him so much she grew desperate.
But he had to put a stop to this foolishness that he was going to become something better. He’d bought into it himself now, and that was too much. He was hesitating over taking this job working cattle, as if it wasn’t good enough anymore.
In a few days, he’d be on roundups for a good two weeks of work, bringing cattle down from the high country into the valleys for winter. He needed solid winter work lined up right now before someone else snatched it up.
Walker got back in his truck and called up Kingham. “Mr. Kingham, are you still looking for a hand to help out this winter?”
“Couldn’t find anything better?” Kingham groused.
Walker shrugged, not caring that the man couldn’t see him. He hated having to ask this old bastard. Walker could tell after only two days of work that the guy had no respect for the cowboys or the animals.
“Fine. I pay in cash for the roundup and then I’ll put you on permanent payroll. There are only enough bunks for the lodge hands. You’ll have to find your own bed.”
“Got it.”
He only felt resignation as he hung up. Maybe that one cowboy had been right. Maybe lodge work had made Walker soft. He rubbed a hand over his face and let his head fall back against the headrest.
It was just work. Nothing to feel stressed about. The same damn work he’d been doing since he was fourteen. It was brutal and basic and there was no shame in that.
So why did he feel ashamed?
Something had changed recently. Nothing to do with Charlie or even Nicole. He was telling himself that it was because he couldn’t find the right position, the right place to work, but things had felt off for months, long before he’d gotten fired.
Things had felt off since he and Micah had finally sold off their dad’s land.
He looked up as a light came on in Charlie’s apartment. He should go on up and apologize. Ask if she’d let him back in. But he didn’t want to spend time with someone who found him wanting tonight. Hell, he didn’t want to spend time with anyone, and that was unusual.