CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
HE’D MEANT TO BE GONE for weeks. Meant to stay away until his CT scan. What was the point, after all? Why work at the ranch toward something he might not have again? So he’d driven away, meaning to stay gone. To take a roundabout way toward California. To consider whether that was what he wanted. Maybe even what he needed.
But that first night, he’d stopped at a campground in Idaho, and he’d slept under the stars on nothing more than a pallet and a sleeping bag. And as he’d stared up at the same sky he’d seen a thousand times before, he hadn’t seen the stars at all. What he’d seen was fear. The new fear of what he’d do if he couldn’t ride, sure.
But old fears, too. The nagging fear of becoming his father. That was part of what had driven him to L.A. the first time. And then the awful fear of letting his dad down, which had come after the possibility had passed with a startling finality.
The fear of letting down a dead man. Is that all that had driven him for the past thirteen years? It didn’t seem possible.
No, it wasn’t possible. He loved the work. Loved the land and the sky. The beautiful days and the weeks that were so brutal you wished you could lie down and die. He loved the men he worked with and the simple dignity of the work.
But now…
Now there was a new fear.
And as he’d lain under those stars praying for sleep to claim him, he’d remembered the first time he’d let Grace see it. That moment when he’d confessed that he might not ride again. She’d reached for him. Reached for a connection. It wasn’t the sex he remembered now. It was that moment when she’d looked at him. When she’d understood. She knew what it was to face fear, and she’d wanted to take it from him. Or share the burden, at least.
She’d been afraid before. She was still afraid.
Cole felt ashamed now. Hard as she was, she’d seen his fear and felt compassion. But when she’d turned her defenses on him, he’d lashed out. He’d hurt her more, and that was exactly what she’d expected. What she’d wanted, even. Because if he hurt her, she didn’t have to fear it anymore. It was done.
The second day, Cole had turned north instead of west. He’d camped in Montana that night. A different forest. The same stars. This time next to a creek that danced through the dark, adding enough sound to the night that he hoped it would let him sleep.
His hip had recovered more quickly from the ride than he’d expected, and it was back to the familiar dull ache that had slept with him every night since the accident. It shouldn’t keep him up, but he couldn’t close his eyes.
In the end, his insomnia had finally made itself useful. By the next morning, Cole had figured it out. He’d faced the reality of where he was and he’d made a decision. If his ability to ride was what made him a man, then he wasn’t much of a man at all. And if he couldn’t keep Grace from leaving, at least he could let her go with the respect she deserved. He needed to step up to the plate and be the kind of person he could be proud of. Nothing to do with his dad or Easy or the ranch. Just himself.
He took the long way home, stopping for one more night along the Gallatin to let everything settle in his mind. For once, the ranch felt far away. But California had ceased to exist as anything but a harmless memory.
His dad had been wrong.
Whether it had all been a grand mistake or not, it had been Cole’s to make and his to live with. He only wished he’d found a way to say that without screaming. He wished he’d made his peace with his father. But better late than never.
That night he slept for eight hours straight. And then he headed home to Jackson. Maybe even to Grace.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
“SHE’S NOT THERE.”
Cole looked up to see Shane coming down the stairs. “Hey, man.” He dropped the hand he’d raised to knock for the third time on Grace’s door. “She’s probably still at work,” he murmured.
“Um…” Shane’s gaze slid from Cole to the front door, then down to his feet. “Did you just get back?”
Cole shifted and narrowed his eyes. “What’s going on?”
Shane grimaced.
“Where’s Grace?” Cole pressed.
“You should ask Rayleen.”
“Ask Rayleen what?” he growled.
Shane finally stepped off the last stair and stood there awkwardly. “I’m pretty sure Grace is gone.”
“No. She was supposed to stay another week or two.”
“Right.” Shane ran a hand through his hair and glanced at the front door as if he wanted to bolt. “Something happened.”