He shrugged. “Just telling it like it is.”
We fell silent as our Business Studies class began, but I couldn’t help my mind wandering to Raine. As the teacher started up a PowerPoint presentation, I pulled out my phone, half hiding it under my textbook. Before I knew it, I’d navigated to my message thread with her, and I typed three words that I’d never written before. Not to anyone, not even my ex-girlfriend.
Me: I miss you
Five minutes later, I got a reply. Not the reply I was hoping for.
Raine: I’m not sneaking around with you
Me: Can’t we just keep it quiet for now? The pressure will be insane
Raine: No
I growled under my breath. Why did everything have to be so fucking complicated?
Me: Let me explain
Raine: You don’t have to explain anything. I know you think I’m not good enough for your group of friends and your precious image
Me: It’s not like that. I was talking about my parents and the fact you might become a target again. I saw how upset you were, baby
Raine: First. What do your parents have to do with it? Second. It’s MY decision about whether I become a target. Third. DON’T CALL ME BABY. YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT
Kian glanced over at me, and I shielded my phone with my hand. “Do you mind, mate? I’m trying to have a private conversation.”
He smirked at me, then shrugged before pulling out his own phone. “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.”
I returned my attention to Raine. Fuck, what was I supposed to say?
Me: Parents. I’m under a lot of pressure. They constantly compare me to you. ALL the fucking time
Raine: That makes no sense
Me: You have to be aware of this. I’ve told you before and I know you’ve seen it for yourself. In their eyes you’re perfect. Perfect grades. Can do nothing wrong. It’s all Raine this, Raine that, why can’t you be more like Rainey? E.g. Last night my dad was telling me how proud he was that you were up for a model student award yet when I get awards for football he dismisses them as frivolous. You should be fucking proud BTW. That’s just an example
Raine: I didn’t know the extent of it. I’m sorry. That’s not right. They’re your parents, they should support you
Me: Now you know. Another reason why you and me would never work
Raine: That makes no sense. And if we would never work why are you texting me now?
I put everything I was feeling into my reply.
Me: Don’t you see? If you were my girlfriend they’d have even more interest in you and your life. I’d be constantly compared to you, even more than I am now. At least now you’re just my neighbour and I know this shit has an expiry date because you’re not sticking around once school finishes and you leave for uni
Me: You want to run away. I get it. I’d run away too if I had a choice. If I hadn’t worked so fucking hard to get to where I was. If I wasn’t going on to Alstone College next year
Me: And the reason I’m texting you is because I fucking miss you
Raine: Would you run away with me?
Would I? For a minute, I allowed myself to think of a different future, where Raine and I were together. A future that wasn’t a possibility.
And that was the final nail in the coffin, right there. I could only offer her something temporary, where we’d sneak around and only have stolen moments. She deserved better than that. Better than me.
Raine: Since you’re taking forever to reply I’ll take that as a no. I’m moving away once the school year is up and you have all these issues surrounding me, so I think it’s best if we stay out of each other’s way. I’ll try to avoid coming over to your house with my aunt. There’s
plenty of excuses I could come up with.