Because cruelty, I can take.
Harshness and brutality, I know how to handle.
But the softness I see in his eyes right now calls to the softness in me, the vulnerability I try to pretend isn’t there. It uncovers my weaknesses and lays them bare.
I’m nothing but a raw, exposed nerve, my heart beating so hard the rest of me can’t keep up.
“It’s wrecked,” I choke out. “It’s gone. It’s all gone.”
My teeth are chattering, making it hard to speak. I feel like I’m falling out of my own body.
“Fuck.” Elias steps forward, coming to stand on one side of me. “What’s wrong with her?”
“She’s having a panic attack. Shit.”
“Sophie, it’s okay. We’ll help you.”
“She’s not breathing. Look at her, she’s turning fucking blue.”
Declan and Gray and Elias are all speaking, all gathered around me in a tight knot, concern darkening their faces. Their words sound strange and muffled, but I think they’re right.
I’ve stopped breathing. I don’t know how to tell my lungs to pull in more air.
“Motherfucker. Gray…” Elias’s light brown eyes are fixed on me, and there’s a note of urgency in his voice.
Gray curses under his breath. He steps forward, capturing my numb face in his large hands. His thumb brushes my bottom lip, tugging my mouth open a little.
Then he presses his lips to mine.
20
My body jerks in shock as Gray’s warm, firm lips press against mine.
It’s like getting hit with a defibrillator.
My heart stutters in my chest, and air rushes into my lungs on a gasping breath as we break apart. I stare at him with wide eyes, the veil of panic lifting for a second.
He’s broken through my shock, but he’s also reminded my body of the one place it’s always found comfort, whether my mind agrees or not.
His hands are still cupping my cheeks, and I mirror the movement, grabbing his face and dragging his lips back to mine. This time he’s the one who tenses in surprise, but then our kiss deepens and settles, neither of us able to resist it for long.
We’re each the moth, and we’re each the flame.
We’ll burn each other to the ground one day, but that doesn’t stop us from playing with fire.
Panic still dances at the edge of my consciousness, but as long as I’m kissing Gray, as long as I’m surrounded by warm, solid bodies on all sides, it can’t reach me. So I keep kissin
g him, drinking him in with every stroke of my tongue.
Declan makes a noise in his throat, and Elias grunts.
They both move to step back, but as soon as the comforting heat of them disappears from beside me, my stomach clenches. No.
I whimper into Gray’s mouth, reaching out blindly to drag the other two Sinners back toward me. There’s a moment of hesitation before they both press in close on either side of me again, and Declan murmurs, “I don’t think she wants us to go.”
“It’s okay, Blue. We won’t.”
Elias pries my fingers loose from his shirt, and the feel of his large hand enclosing mine makes a pleasant little shiver run up my spine, cutting through the encroaching panic.