Bryan leaned forward and kissed my lips as the paramedics ran me off toward the ambulance.
“Bryan! Bryan! Don’t leave. Please.”
I held my hand out for him as he climbed into the back of the ambulance.
“I’m right here,” he said. “I’m not going anywhere. And yes. It’s over. He’s gone. The police hauled him off. He’ll be in jail for a very long time.”
The pain in my back began to grow. So much so that it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Things were strapped around my stomach, and an IV was placed in my hand. I could feel the bile of my stomach teasing the back of my throat like, at any moment, I was going to puke up the last nine months of my life. The room was spinning, and I had to close my eyes as Bryan continued to kiss the shell of my ear. My back felt like it was ripping in two, and something was still trickling from between my legs.
“This hurts,” I said.
“I can only imagine,” Bryan said. “Just be strong for me, okay? Be strong.”
“Why is there, shit, so much ... ah!”
My back arched as another contraction seized my body.
“Ma’am, you’re going to have to stay still. We have to set another IV.”
Another IV. Why?
“Squeeze my hand,” Bryan said. “Squeeze down as hard as you can.”
It felt like I was hardly gripping his hand even though I was trying to bear down with all my might. My head was pounding, and the ambulance was swirling around. I could feel my legs shaking with exhaustion as my back continued to try and rip my body in half. I thought labor was supposed to happen to the front of the body.
Why didn’t I feel any pain in my abdomen?”
“Second IV set,” someone said.
“Check her vitals,” another voice said.
“Baby’s vitals are dipping,” someone else said.
That was the statement that caught my attention.
“What?” I asked breathlessly. “What ... what’s wrong with—?”
Another contraction rendered me speechless as I cried out in the back of the ambulance.
“How far away are we from the hospital?” Bryan asked.
“Two minutes out,” someone said.
I bore down on Bryan’s hand as he grimaced. He didn’t get to be in pain. He didn’t get to complain. My body was about to be ripped to shreds because I was carrying his damn child between my legs. I was about to shove a fucking human being through the pinhole between my legs. So, unless he ever gave birth through his penis hole, he needed to grow a pair of balls.
“I’m sorry,” I said breathlessly.
“For what?” Bryan asked. “You did beautifully today.”
“No, no, no. For my thoughts,” I said.
“Why are you apologizing for those?”
“Because they want to kill you for being a pussy,” I said.
The entire ambulance giggled at me as Bryan smiled. I took a chance and opened my eyes, risking vomiting all over myself. I found Bryan’s smile as he leaned forward and kissed my lips. I felt the warmth of him as the trickling sensation began to die down.
“I love you so much,” Bryan said.
“I need this baby out of me,” I said.
“One freed baby, coming right up,” he said.
The ambulance came to a halt and the doors flew open. I was being moved into the sun, and I had to shield my eyes. My back was aching, and my legs were shaking, but I still felt no pain in my abdomen.
That wasn’t good, right?
There were voices talking all around me as I was wheeled down a bright white hallway. Bryan’s hand was still in mine, but I could tell he was jogging instead of walking. They turned me into a room as I closed my eyes, trying to keep my nausea at bay.
“Baby’s vitals?” a doctor asked.
I opened my eyes and saw someone with a white coat standing beside me.
“Heart rate’s fluctuating pretty rapidly. Still can’t pinpoint the source of the bleeding,” a nurse said.
“What caused the labor?” the doctor asked.
“I threw myself on top of her after a gun went off in her art gallery,” Bryan said.
“Okay. We need to figure out why the hell she’s bleeding so much. Everyone move to the side.”
I felt myself becoming woozy as my legs were spread.
“Ma’am, I’m going to check your dilation and try to figure out the source of the bleeding. If this hurts, you let me know.”
I nodded as I closed my eyes and braced myself for the intrusion.
It didn’t hurt, but it sure as hell was uncomfortable. Bryan was kissing my sweating forehead as the doctor’s fingers slid within me. I grimaced at the sensation, embarrassed that some random guy was down there fingering around. Bryan put his face up toward mine, blocking my sight as he smiled down at me.
“Whatever happens, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” he said.
“I can’t—my back.”
“I know your back hurts,” he said.
“No. Shut up. It does. The contractions aren’t—”
“She’s trying to tell you she doesn’t feel her contractions wrapping around to her abdomen,” the doctor said.
I felt relief spread through my legs as he removed his fingers.
“Is that a good thing?” Bryan asked. “Less pain for her?”
“No. It’s not. We need to get her to surgery now. Nurse Delacourt, prepare an OR. She’s prepped with both IVs, so we can get her tapped and get her ready within fifteen minutes. Clear me something out now,” the doctor said.
“Wait. What? Surgery? What’s going on? Bryan?”
“Hey, hey, hey. You let me handle this. All you need to do is stay calm and focus on bringing our son or daughter into this world, okay?” he asked.
“Bryan, what are they about to do? Holy shit, my back!”
“Doctor, what the hell’s going on?” Bryan asked.
“The danger with having a child so close behind chemotherapy treatment is that the body is too weak, and many times with heavy treatment, organs suffer. When you threw yourself on top of Mrs. McBride, you ruptured her uterus. It broke her water, and that’s why she’s bleeding. But if we don’t get her into surgery and get this child out of her so we can get the bleeding stopped, she’s going to bleed out,” the doctor said.
“Oh my gosh,” I said breathlessly.
“I-I did what?” Bryan asked.
“The OR’s ready for you, doctor,” the nurse said.
“Bryan, you’re about to be a father. Follow Nurse Delacourt, and she’ll help you scrub in. We’re going to take Mrs. McBride to the OR and get her a spinal tap. You’ll come in, be there for the birth of your child, and then we’re going to save her life. Sound like a plan?”
I looked over at Bryan and watched him nod, but I could see how pale he was.
“Bryan,” I said. “Bryan, look at me.”
His dazed stare turned down to me as they began wheeling me out of the room.
“This isn’t your fault. Do you hear me? It’s not your fault!”
It was becoming harder and harder to keep my eyes open. They wheeled me into a cold room before they sat me up on the edge of my bed. The anesthesiologist wiped my back down with something cold, numbed me up, and then shot me up with something that numbed me from the neck down. It felt like I wasn’t breathing, even though I knew I was, and then they laid me back onto a table with a curtain poised at my chest.
And before I knew it, Bryan was at my side again.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m so sorry, Hailey,” he said as a tear dripped down his face. “I’m so sorry.”
“This isn’t your fault. You heard the doctor. We took a chance with this so close to my chemo. The obstetrician told us my organs were weak. It’s why I was a high-risk pregnancy to begin with,” I said.
“If our child doesn’t—”
“You stop that shit right now,” I said. “I’m the one bleeding out on an operating table. Find your balls and be strong.”
Bryan chuckled and shook his head before he bent down to kiss me.
“All right, Momma. I’m making the first incision. This is going to go quickly, and I won’t talk to you again until we’re about to give birth,” the doctor said.
“Okay,” I said.
“If you go into shock or need blood at any point in time, the anesthesiologist reserves the right to knock you out,” the doctor said.
I felt some pressure happening as my lower body was jerked around.
“Okay,” I said.
There was silence in the room as everyone stayed quiet. My eyes were trying to close, and Bryan kept kissing me awake. I felt exhausted. Worn down. Mentally drained and alone. This wasn’t how the birth of my child was supposed to go. This wasn’t the plan Bryan and I had set for ourselves.
“Okay,” the doctor said. “You’re going to feel some pressure on your upper abdomen, and then the countdown begins.”
I nodded my head as a tear trickled down my cheek.
I felt someone lean onto me before my stomach deflated. A nurse came and grabbed Bryan’s arm, jerking him from me. My head followed him as suction sounds came from beside me, and I felt my body being jerked around again.
Then, I heard the move beautiful sound in the entire world.