Or more.
I stare at her, my chest aching. She’s so fucking tough, so brazen and brash and in everyone’s face. Does she do it so they won’t realize what a tender heart she has beneath all that armor? A heart Broderick has obviously touched, even if he’s not aware of it.
I turn to him. “We work as a throuple.”
For once, Broderick doesn’t bother giving me the runaround. “Yeah, we do.”
“We’ll continue to work as a throuple.”
Monroe wraps her arms around herself and looks away. “Only for this year. I’m the Amazon heir. Next Lammas, I go back to my faction and stay there. Even if there were someone else for the role, it’s mine by right, and I won’t shy away from that responsibility. No matter what I feel.”
Broderick shifts away from her, just a bit. “I’m Abel’s second-in-command. The Raider faction is where I’m needed.” He glances almost guiltily at Monroe. “I realize that’s making a lot of assumptions about what you’d want, but ultimately it doesn’t matter. You’re needed there, and I’m needed here.”
Horror takes root inside me as they both turn in my direction. “You’re going to make me choose.”
“We’d never ask that of you,” Monroe says.
“But the fact remains that one of you will stay and one of you will go, and I lose no matter where I end up.” My stomach dips alarmingly, and my head goes a little fuzzy. “What kind of choice is that?”
Broderick shifts. “Look, it’s ten months and change away. A lot can happen in that amount of time, and this thing might very well run its course. There’s no point in borrowing trouble. It’s working right now, with the added bonus of it getting both our respective leaders off our backs and removing us from danger.”
If I already love both of them at this point, how much more is it going to hurt in another month, two, ten? When this thing reaches its inevitable conclusion, one of them will rip out half of my still-beating heart and take it with them.
I have been at Broderick’s side for nearly ten years. I can’t imagine not being in his proximity. It’d be like losing a vital piece of myself.
But… Monroe has become so fucking important to me. She has no preconceived notions when it comes to who I am. I feel like she sees me in a way no other person does, brings out parts of me that I didn’t even know I had.
I skirt around Broderick and walk out of the bathroom and into the closet. It’s become a mishmash of the three of ours clothing and items, Monroe’s spilling over mine and Broderick’s the same way she spills over us in real life, touching every part of my life and making it hers.
My throat is so tight, I can barely breathe.
Maybe it will all be for nothing. All this worrying about the future and things will end tomorrow when they learn the truth. Broderick might be getting along fine enough with Monroe right now, but he has such strong opinions about the other factions. They’re his enemies.
Will he see me as an enemy once he knows I grew up as an Amazon?
And Monroe?
No matter how she feels about me, she’s not going to thank me for shining the light on the seedy underbelly of the Amazon faction that she doesn’t seem to realize exists. For such a savvy woman, she has an intense lack of perception when it comes to certain elements. I don’t know if her mother intentionally keeps these things from her, but Aisling’s two interactions with me seem to indicate that’s the case.
I yank on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt that I only realize is Broderick’s when it hits me at mid-thigh. I turn and jump to find him behind me. “You’ve got to stop lurking in doorways. It’s creepy.” The joke comes out flat.
Broderick doesn’t hesitate. He steps forward and pulls me into his arms, hugging me tightly. “I know this isn’t an ideal situation, but I’m really fucking grateful to be in it all the same.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “I don’t think we would have ever become more than friends without Monroe involved.”
That’s the other thing I’m worried about, the one I can barely give voice. I wrap my arms around him and hug him back. “What if we don’t work without her?” Broderick tenses, but I keep going. “What if she and I don’t work without you? Have either of you thought of that?”
He hugs me tighter. “Yeah. I’ve thought about that.”
I wait, but he doesn’t provide anything more. It almost makes me laugh, but not like anything is funny. I finally lean back and look at up him, taking in his troubled expression. “What happens then?”
“I don’t know.” He smooths my hair back from my face. Amazing how quickly I’ve gotten used to touching and being touched by Broderick like this. It feels so natural, it makes my heart ache.