“Every conversation is important with you.”
I don’t know if I can look into that comment even a little, so I ignore it. “You have been my friend since we met. You are important to me. I don’t regret anything that’s happened between us, but you are my friend first, and I don’t want to do anything to endanger that. I can’t stand the thought of losing you.” Now it’s my turn to hesitate. “But last night was pretty damn perfect. If you’re on the same page, if you’re willing to try for more, I would really like to.”
“Oh, Broderick.” She feathers her fingers through my hair. “What about Monroe?”
“What about Monroe?” The question feels wrong, as if I’m doing her a disservice. Monroe and I have been working together beautifully since we decided to seduce Shiloh together, but that’s only a small percentage of the time she’s been my Bride. We haven’t talked about the future, haven’t talked about anything but Shiloh, and plans to keep Monroe alive.
“I don’t know if we work without her.”
I open my mouth to argue but have to stop. I don’t want to lie to Shiloh, and I’m not certain it would be the truth to say we definitively do work without Monroe in the picture, egging us on. “There’s only one way to find out.”
“I suppose.” She shifts against me a little, but her expression is contemplative, not seductive. “What if Monroe stayed?”
“Shiloh.” I take her face in my hands. “She’s an Amazon. She’s not for either of us. Not permanently.”
She wraps her hands around my wrists and lowers my hands from her face. “Her being an Amazon makes her not for you.”
I don’t miss the way she puts distance between us with both words and actions. “Not just an Amazon, Shiloh. She’s the Amazon heir. She’s going to be queen. Even if this were some fairy tale where we all fall happily in love, she won’t stay.”
“And you won’t go.”
Again, she’s excluding herself from this theoretical future. I don’t want to ask the question, but I need to know the answer. “Would you? If she asked you to, would you go with her?”
“I don’t know.”
It’s not the clear rejection of the idea that I want, and fuck, that hurts. “You really care about her that much?” More than me?
“I don’t know,” she repeats. Shiloh eases off my lap and turns for the bathroom. “Being in Sabine Valley has been more challenging than I expected. I just… I don’t know, Broderick. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth.”
“I won’t ask you for anything but the truth,” I manage.
She gives me a bittersweet smile. “Liar. You want everything.”
“Of course I want everything. I love you.” The words are out before I can call them back, but suddenly I don’t want to call them back. We’ve danced around each other for so fucking long. Maybe it’s time to just clear the air properly. It’s not like we can do more damage to our friendship after having sex last night. “I’ve loved you for years, Shiloh. I respected our friendship too much to endanger it, and you never indicated that you were interested in more than friendship, so I kept my feelings to myself.”
“Maybe I’m not interested in more than friendship.”
I snort. “You were coming all over my cock, my mouth, my hands. That’s not what friends do.”
“You’re right.” Shiloh picks up her mug and finishes off her coffee. “But I’m still not sure where that leaves us. Just…give me some time to process.”
A lot has changed in a very short time. As much as I want concrete answers—concrete assurances—now, this is something I can’t rush. It has to happen naturally, or I run the risk of fucking things up permanently. “Okay.”
She heads into the bathroom, leaving me staring after her and wondering what the hell we’re doing. I want a future with Shiloh. But what if she’s right? What if we don’t work without Monroe in the mix?
And Monroe…
I sigh. I like the little asshole. I didn’t expect to, but the past week has changed everything. She’s infuriating, but I like how protective of her people she is. I like how she can be playful and fierce by turns. I even like that cunning mind behind her pretty face, though she turns it against me more often than we’re aligned.
But what if we found something to be aligned over? I feel fucking unstoppable when she and I are striving for the same goal. If we could find a common ground beyond Shiloh, is this really a partnership I’m willing to throw away just because it’s not quite comfortable?
Especially if Shiloh and Monroe are a package deal?
Chapter 27
Monroe
Something’s wrong with Shiloh.
It’s subtle, but I’ve been watching this woman too closely for too long not to notice. It’s there in the tightness of her shoulders as we walk down the main street that compromises Old Town. This part of Raider territory is a large reason why no enemy has successfully taken the faction. Removing the Paines, for example, took a whole hell of a lot of effort and both Mystics and Amazons working with Eli Walsh’s traitorous father. But nothing short of a bomb would dig out Old Town and the people who live there.