Erin smiles at me then. I definitely don’t deserve the way that she’s looking at me, given that I’m the one that got us into this mess in the first place. But she’s still nervous. So I take her hand. Throughout breakfast, I’ve been touching her. Partially because I know that it will help sell the story to her parents. And partly because I want to.
I can’t help myself.
After last night and this morning…there’s no way to explain it. But I’ve never felt anything like it. Not to mention that this is probably the most words I’ve said at once in more than a year. I never used to be so quiet, but as things changed and I withdrew, I just spoke less and less.
But I didn’t realize that until now.
Running my thumb over the back of Erin’s hand, I realize that I’m still staring at her. Earlier, I lied. I know that I should have told her parents that we were just dating. It would have been much easier to get out of. But the real truth is that for whatever reason, saying that we were dating didn’t even cross my mind.
The idea of being engaged just popped into my head, and it felt so right that I couldn’t stop it coming out of my mouth. There’s no explanation for it either, because marriage hasn’t been on my mind. Or anything like it. I haven’t even been looking for a relationship.
I’ve had the occasional one-night stand for fun, but that’s all it was. Fun.
What happened with Erin didn’t just feel like fun. It felt like something indescribable and is also mildly terrifying because of that. But I’m in it. I meant what I said. I’m going to see it through.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you,” Erin says softly. “It’s just…I wanted it to be just mine for a while.”
Her mom smiles. “I understand.
“Thanks.”
“Okay folks,” Leo says, poking his head into the room. “If you’re with me for rafting, start heading over to the launch site so we can go over safety protocols and get you guys into vests.”
The whole group starts to break up, and I look at Erin. “You guys are all scheduled for that, right?”
“Right,” she says. She doesn’t look panicked, but she still looks nervous. Should I get her out of it? “How long are the rafting trips?”
“A few hours.”
Erin smiles. “Then I’ll be back soon enough, I guess.”
I lean in and kiss her gently. The whole time I’m telling myself that it’s for her parents sitting across from me. But it’s not. It’s because I want to taste the strawberry jam that she put on her pancakes and feel the way her breath catches when our lips meet. Kissing her is like waking up. A hit of pure oxygen to my lungs.
“See you later,” I say with a grin, fully aware of her parents staring at us from across the table. Erin’s cheeks are bright red, and she practically flees the table, the senior O’Neills following after I smile at them. They don’t know what to do with themselves, and honestly neither do I. What the fuck am I doing?
As soon as the entire family is out the door, I head to the office. Asher is there. Thank fuck. I don’t bother stopping before I walk in and shut the door. “I need to talk to you.”
He barely looks up from his computer. “What’s up?”
I pause for a second. “I might have fucked up.”
Asher does look up then, eyes scanning me from head to toe. “You don’t seem drunk, and I don’t see any broken bones, so what exactly have you fucked up?”
“I slept with Erin O’Neill last night,” I say.
Asher just stares at me, his mouth slightly open in shock, so I keep going.
“And again this morning. Her parents might have walked on in on her screaming my name, and I might have told them that we’re engaged in order to make it seem less bad.”
Another agonizing silence. And then Asher bursts out laughing. Not a little laugh, a deep laugh that’s so forceful he’s nearly lying down on his desk. “Oh my God.” He can’t stop, and I have to smile a little. I know that he’s not actually laughing at me. It’s just a little ironic considering the way he met Rose.
He slept with her when she was on a tour, found out she was actually here to spy for her scummy father, and married her to blackmail her into doing the right thing. In the process of all that, they fell in love, and they stayed married. Now they’re the most sickeningly happy people that I know. Besides Leo and Diana.
“I know.”
“This is perfect. Does Leo know?”
I shake my head. “Haven’t had the chance to tell him.”
“He’s going to laugh too.”