Nausea strikes again, but I manage to keep walking while clutching my stomach. Fortunately, the breeze revives me a bit, and the sunlight feels good on my hair. I stroll, unsure of my destination for quite a while, until suddenly I realize I’ve walked to Columbus Circle. I decide to head into the main plaza and window shop a bit. Looking at the clothing, artwork, and other gems the city has to offer has always been a favorite past time of mine, and maybe now, it’ll help me feel better. I slip my hands into my pockets and slow my pace, pondering everything and nothing at once.
But when I turn the corner, a sight grips me and I stop dead in my tracks. My heart lifts into my throat, practically blocking off my airway, and another rush of nausea hits my stomach. Oh no, oh no. I couldn’t have conjured up this scene in my worst nightmare because across the way, Paul and Susan are strolling chummily down the street. Susan is clinging possessively to Paul’s elbow as they walk, their heads bent together in intimate conversation. Then, they stop at a window, and turn to look inside. Paul places a hand on her shoulder and says something in her ear, both their faces alight with emotion. Oh my god, oh my god. An hour ago he was texting me, begging to come back. But that whole time, he’s been seeing my mom. For fuck’s sake, he was probably in bed with her while he was messaging me! The traitor.
Things get even worse then. To my horror, Susan beams at Paul with a starry gaze before leaning forward to brush his cheek with her lips. That does it. I can’t take it anymore, and something snaps inside.
“You fucking fuck!” I scream, running at them with rage in my eyes, my fists ready to pummel. “I hate you both! I hate you so much! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”
I’ll never forget the look in their eyes because it’s one of surprise, but also guilt.
9
Nella
I’m moving at full speed in their direction, and like a superhero, I launch myself off the ground at Paul, intending to tackle him and knock him off of his feet. I’m well aware of the fact that I look like a deranged psycho, but at this point, it doesn’t even matter anymore. I’m boiling over with rage, and these two need to pay for their betrayal.
How could they do this to me?
It was bad enough that Paul and my mom used to date in the past, but I never seriously thought they would take up again. Holy shit. And given the little performance in front of the store, this clearly isn’t just a “physical” thing. They’re dating, full-on, and look to be in love.
Like a rock, my body smashes into Paul and sends him back several steps, but it doesn’t knock him over as I thought it would. I should have known because Paul is a large, muscular man. He’s built like a tree, and even at full speed, an unathletic person like me would never be able to push him to the ground.
“Nella, what the hell is going on?” he sputters as he backs away from me in shock. “Where did you come from?”
I turn my efforts towards my mom.
“Susan,” I growl.
My mom looks back at me, blinking with confusion.
“Nella honey, are you drunk? What’s with the violence?”
I explode then.
“Am I drunk? You whore! You stole my boyfriend!” I lunge at my mom, hands clenched into tight fists, intending to punch her teeth in, but Paul drags me back. He wraps his huge arms around me and holds me so tight it cuts my breath short.
“Calm down Nella!” he yells at me. “You’re making a scene!”
“You think I care? Get your hands off of me, you fucking coward! You disgust me, I hate you. I hate you both!” I scream and fight, trying to wriggle my way out of his grip but he’s too strong and has me in some kind of wrestling clinch.
My mom tries to intervene again.
“Nella, please calm down and let him explain. This isn’t what you think it is. This is not what it appears to be.”
Enraged, I bellow at the top of my lungs.
“Then what the hell is it?”
I see my mom shoot Paul a sympathetic look.
“I’ll leave you to handle this,” Susan says. “Make things right, Paul. It’ll be tough, seeing that she’s in such a state, but I know you can do it.” I turn my head away, seething with anger. If Susan wanted things to be right for me, she could have started with being a better mother and staying out of my love life! This is so bullshit, and angry tears fill my eyes. I kick again furiously, but my foot only strikes air.