‘Good shading in number three, but I think I took it a bit too far in attempt number four. Yeah, that one turned out a little dark. But I think I want to keep the accent from number six…’
Just when I feel like I might be getting somewhere, my phone vibrates and distracts me. Ugh. There’s always something breaking my concentration. With a resigned sigh, I set the pencil down and pick up my cell. The screen is still lit up and the notification reads:
‘2 New Messages: Paul Wayne’
Mixed emotions flow over my frame, and I take a deep breath to steady myself. It’s my ex, but I’ve been avoiding him at every turn. I don’t answer his emails, nor his texts, and I don’t take his calls either. It’s for the best, seeing that we’re in such a bizarre situation.
But I still have to work. Exhaling sharply, I grab my pencil again and begin spinning it between my fingers, only much faster this time. It goes crazy, like a top that’s found a life of its own. Then, I give up. Angrily, I throw the pencil onto the floor and seize my phone, staring at the unread texts.
Hey Nella, I hope you’re doing okay. I wish you’d talk to me. I’d do anything to make this right. Give me one more chance? I’m going crazy without you.
I scroll to his second message.
Nella, if you don’t want to talk to me, I can understand that. But please, at least let me know you’re okay.
His messages bring tears to my eyes. Of course I’m not okay! Why would he even presume to think that I’m okay? Rage fills my chest and my hands tremble as I grip my phone. This is so awful in every way, and I wish I could make the situation disappear.
But unfortunately, nothing can go back to the way it was. I have to live with the knowledge that Paul has been deep in my mother’s body, and the image makes me hurl. Literally, I scramble to my feet and dart to the bathroom before losing my lunch.
Panting and sweaty, I sit down again. It’s been a brutal month, to put things lightly. I feel disgusted by my mom, I feel betrayed by my ex-boyfriend, and I feel alone in my pregnancy. I’m so confused, and yet there’s no one to talk to because no one’s gone through such a twisted situation before. My friends are there for me, but all they can do is listen patiently. They have no real advice. And I feel like I can’t go to Marley either because it’s all about her brother-in-law! Things are so messed up, and I wish I could just sleep until the baby’s born.
Unfortunately, it’s been hard to avoid Paul because he texts or calls at least once a day, but usually more. Sometimes he’s apologizing, sometimes he’s begging, and sometimes he’s totally casual, like nothing ever happened. Every once in a great while, he gets angry. Those are the worst. He’ll send me accusatory messages saying that I’m over-reacting and that this isn’t as big of a deal as I’m making it out to be. He says that I don’t know what’s best for me. Ha! Patronizing, anyone? Those messages are actually the easiest to ignore because they make me really mad. But it’s not even so much that I’m mad at what he’s saying (even though I should be), but at the part of me that thinks he might be right. After all, so what if he and my mom used to date? It wasn’t like he was cheating on me, and he had no idea that Susan was my mom either.
My phone vibrates again, and I brace myself for another text from Paul. But instead, I’m surprised to see that it’s a notification from my bank. To my dismay, it reads:
Paul Wayne has sent you money!
Press ACCEPT to transfer funds to your account.
Date: 5/28/2018
Amount: $20,000
Message: Next month’s allowance
Before I can respond, a second notification pops up at the top of my screen. It’s an email from City Girls. I’m surprised to be hearing from my old employer out of the blue, so I immediately open the message. Apparently, one of their girls is out sick tonight and they can’t find anyone to cover. The boss is wondering if I’d like to come back for just one more date? Just one more teensy-weensy assignment?
Feeling overwhelmed, I decide to go for a walk to clear my head. Some fresh air is much needed, and I stumble out of my apartment in a daze. Life is so confusing. I was an escort, until I was paid by a man not to escort anymore. But now, I’m having his baby, and he’s still paying me. Plus, is he dating my mom again? Why not? What would stop Paul and Susan from rekindling their relationship now?